More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say)

by Elaine Welteroth

Growing up in church, they’d say, “Where two or more are gathered, so, too, is the Lord in your midst.”

I had braced myself for the worst, almost expecting them to laugh and completely shut down my delusions. But they didn’t laugh at me. They didn’t tell me I was crazy. That it would never happen. Instead, they affirmed me in the moment I needed it most.

sincere conviction. I chose my words carefully as I articulated exactly what she meant to me, how passionate I was about entering into the business of magazine publishing. I asked smart questions, and I slipped in that working for her would be a dream come true, but also that if I never spoke to her again she had already changed my life.

ten thousand dollars and move to New York City by June 1.

It’s time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you. IYANLA VANZANT

“May I give you one piece of advice?” she offered. “Of course. Please,” I said. “If you know what you want, ask for it. And be specific. You might just get it.”

she was already getting my life together. Then she hit me with more persuasive career advice:

my baby girl drive all the way down

I realized that if we aren’t vigilant, we can move through our entire lives feeling smaller than we actually are—by playing it safe, by unconsciously giving away our power, by dimming our radiance, by not recognizing there is always so much more waiting for us on the other side of fear. But when we are brave enough—to go there, to grab what we want, to tap into who we are—damn, it feels so good.

I would just tell them, “This is between me and God.”

our culture, our beauty, and our icons. I could already tell that crossing over would not be easy, but as I sopped up my tears, I set my sights on making my way

There were theories floating around—mainly that she refused to move her family to Chicago for the job—but whatever led to Harriette’s unexpected departure from Ebony, it left an indelible impression on me. My takeaway was clear: in business, no matter how much value you bring, you will always be disposable.

horrendous start.

are plagued with a comparison complex. At various times in our lives, we all struggle with feeling good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, worthy enough, as we are.

What I know now is that when we derive our worth from the relationships in our lives—the intimate ones, the social circles we belong to, the companies we work for—we give away our power and become dependent upon external validation. When that is taken away, our sense of value, and identity, goes with it.

also made it clear how far we were as a country from true equality. It reminded me that no matter how much you try to blend in, your race walks into every room before you do.

“Sometimes just being yourself is the radical act. When you occupy space in systems that weren’t built for you, your authenticity is your activism.”

Not to mention,

our hair in ways that are deemed appropriate in White professional settings, to essentially

“In order to change the stories, you must change the storytellers.”

AS A CULTURE, WE love a celebration. We love a first. We hold them high. We all marvel at headlines and highlight reels. But we rarely discuss the marks and scars and bruises that come with breaking through glass ceilings. Rarely do we talk

And we’re supposed to keep quiet about the things that don’t feel so good inside. But things aren’t always as they appear. And even your biggest promotions can come along with some of your most bewildering blows.

As validating as it can be to receive recognition for your work and to be held up as a hero by your community, under these fraught circumstances, all the attention made me feel like a fraud. Overnight, without my control or permission, I was launched into the spotlight, where I would have to navigate an awkward dual reality. I worried how that would inevitably play out for the “trio.”

Women are taught to work hard and to play by the rules. We are taught to never overstep, to stay in our lane, to keep our head down, to go with the flow, to never be too loud or disagreeable. Not to be bossy. Not to be pushy. We are not encouraged to know our worth, let alone to demand it. We are not given the tools to fight for ourselves or taught to challenge authority. Instead, we are taught—in subtle and overt ways—to give up our power, to take what we can get, and to be grateful.

“Women aren’t taught to get comfortable with making people uncomfortable.”

I go forth / along, and stand as ten thousand.

We all come up in a world that is set up to make us feel that we are not enough—so we strive even harder to earn respect, we put in the overtime, we

bend history, and we stretch ourselves thin to reach and exceed the expectations of the powers that be. We rise to every occasion. We strive for excellence. Because that is what Black women do.

Black women especially—have been overworked and underpaid, overlooked and underestimated. And, to paraphrase the great Maya Angelou, still, like air, we rise.

To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious, is to be in a rage almost all of the time. JAMES BALDWIN

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

“There is no glory in a grind that literally grinds you down to dust.”

willing to look it in the face.

“The universe is calling you to be a little bit braver.”

The truth is, job titles are temporary. But purpose is infinite. There are no destinations, no happily ever afters in real life, no glossy pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.

There are only new beginnings.

When you find yourself existing in the space between dreams realized, parts of you will feel too big for where you are, while other parts of you will feel too small for where you’re going. Go anyway. Do not wait. Do not wonder if you can.

Do not ask for permission. When you get lost, it’s okay to stop, to look up, to look within for the answers—they’re always there. And when the world tells you to shrink, expand. Remember: You have done enough. You are enough. You were born enough. The world is waiting on you.