More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say)

by Elaine Welteroth

“Women aren’t taught to get comfortable with making people uncomfortable.”

I go forth / along, and stand as ten thousand. MAYA ANGELOU, “OUR GRANDMOTHERS”

We all come up in a world that is set up to make us feel that we are not enough—so we strive even harder to earn respect, we put in the overtime, we bend history, and we stretch ourselves thin to reach and exceed the expectations of the powers that be. We rise to every occasion. We strive for excellence. Because that is what Black women do. We take what we can get, and we make magic happen. We make lemonade.

The higher up we get, the more apologies we are expected to make for our power. It can feel demoralizing, exhausting, and unfair. At times, your very existence and survival in these spaces can feel like an impossibility. But the tactics used to keep us small are nothing new. For generations, women—Black women especially—have been overworked and underpaid, overlooked and underestimated. And, to paraphrase the great Maya Angelou, still, like air, we rise.

Our internal reality quickly became mired in corporate politics; I often came home depressed and in tears. The mechanics of the early days remain blurry, as if I were moving through a thick, uninspiring fog, searching for a way to establish a new normal. Every decision was made by committee. Each step, a compromise. It was difficult for all of us, for different reasons.

Television shows, movies, and advertisements would have us believe a boss is a tall, suit-wearing White man—like the White paper Dad I selected for my preschool project. Even today, if you were to ask kids what a “boss” looks like, they might describe someone who resembles Donald Trump. Boz was refreshingly the opposite. Which makes watching her take up all the space she wants in her office, and in the world, pretty damn revolutionary.

In a society that routinely squeezes women and people of color into constricting boxes for approval, Boz is unapologetic about doing things her own way—and she doesn’t waste time being bothered by anyone else’s desires for her to tone any of it down.

As if Black people in leadership positions aren’t almost always the only ones of color in decision-making rooms, working twice as hard to overcome the cultural bias that cannot be stripped from any interaction in the business world or otherwise in this country.

When we operate the way White power has operated for generations by opening doors for our own, is it considered nepotism? Or is it just leveling the playing field?

We discussed the shifting power dynamics at play when more people of color are working their way into leadership roles than ever. With these decision-making seats, diverse leaders—like us—have an opportunity to level the playing field in a world that has for generations been rigged by the dominant power structure, which, at least until the norms change, is indisputably wealthy, White, and male.

“That is what Black women do. We take what we can get, and we make magic. We make lemonade.”

To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious, is to be in a rage almost all of the time. JAMES BALDWIN

For generations Black men have been trained to surrender, to apologize, to appear as “nonthreatening” as possible, to smile, to assimilate, to overachieve, to do whatever you can to remind White people of their humanity—but even then there are no guarantees of safety.

“I felt compelled to find a way to put this pain to work. As writers, as magazine editors, as people with public platforms, we are the cultural agenda setters. We signal with our editorial decisions what the priorities are.”

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

“The thing about privilege is, oftentimes you don’t even have to think about inequality when you don’t have to face it.”

“We are not born woke. But rather, there are moments of awakening for each of us.” While the term “woke” became a defining term of 2016, I appreciated his refreshing explanation, which clarified that “wokeness” doesn’t work like a light switch. You don’t just turn it on and boom, “You’re woke!” Instead, it is a process of learning, listening, stripping away the blinders that privilege puts on, and exposing yourself to suffering that doesn’t always affect you in order to act from a place of understanding and empathy.

ANYONE WILL TELL YOU the greatest leverage in any negotiation is a successful track record and a genuine willingness to walk away.

“Young people aren’t afraid to call BS on an administration that abuses its power, and their voices are crucial.”

There is no glory in a grind that literally grinds you down to dust. EVE EWING

I LEARNED THE HARD WAY that there is a thin line between being a hard worker and a workaholic—someone who buries herself in work and inadvertently avoids participating in her own life.

What began early on as a kid’s overcorrection to her parents’ struggles manifested into a fear of failure that drove me into a relentless, myopic race with myself, one that had no end in sight. I found myself in a pattern of perfectionism. Always striving, even for what would ultimately prove to be futile missions—relationships that became toxic and jobs I had outgrown. When you are invested in building something you believe in, and you know there is no safety net if you fail, it is all too easy to lose perspective. It is by no means a bad thing to be ambitious, but I needed to develop healthier habits in order to be truly successful.

Now, at thirty-two, better advice would be: “Bite off only what you can chew. Take one bite at a time. Chew thoroughly. Swallow fully. Breathe. Make room for the next bite. Find time to laugh. It’s better for digestion.”

But one of the things turning thirty taught me was that there is hustle and there is flow; and you cannot successfully achieve one without the other.

Crises are nature’s way of forcing change—breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place. SUSAN L. TAYLOR

As a wise New York City black-car driver and former military vet once told me, sometimes there is more honor in losing a battle with dignity than in winning a war without it.

Oprah says the hardest thing about breaking up is never just the end itself. It is the death of the dream.

On the other side of fear is freedom—but you have to be willing to look it in the face.

Nobody tells you what to do when your girlhood dreams bump into your womanhood dreams. CLEO WADE

By then I was savvy enough to advocate for myself. Thankfully, I had also collected a stellar lineup of advisers—including a powerful lawyer who I would learn to lean on more and more as this unfolded.

“Sometimes it takes reaching the summit to see what’s on the other side,”

This was real love. Real love that wakes up in the darkest part of the night to redirect you toward the light. Real love that calms every roaring wave inside you with a certain steadfast grace, powerful enough to remind you of your own strength.

When your career idol invites you over for dinner, you don’t wait until you find yourself in the neighborhood; you plan your next trip back just to make it happen.

That night I let go of worrying, and I gave in to the joy of dancing into my future, no longer afraid of what was on the other side. That night gave me closure on my childhood dream realized. If the awards and external validation that comes along with public praise ever meant anything, this moment meant more than all those honors combined. I was elated. And at peace. This is how you end an era.

Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down. TONI MORRISON, SONG OF SOLOMON

“So, what’s your story?” Ava asked.

“I feel connected to you—I feel your story, I feel your passion, your verve.” Then she said, “Okay, so what do you want to do next? Because this is so clearly just the beginning for you.”

“What’s the story?” she asked. “I always like to craft the story.”

“That’s the story I want to read. You know why? It’s powerful, and decisive.”

Then she told me something I will never unhear: “I think the universe is calling you to be a little bit braver right now.”

It was time for me to close the door on my first dream in order to start building the next.

I did what I came to do. I had done enough. I was enough. And I was ready for more.

No matter how far a person can go the horizon is still way beyond you. ZORA NEALE HURSTON, THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD

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