The Constant Rabbit

by Jasper Fforde

What about rugby or soccer?’ ‘No.’ ‘Glad to hear it. We abhor gladiatorial team sports. Why are you still bringing up your young men to be warriors?’ ‘Are we?’ ‘Looks like it. You may want to address that, along with the mummying and princeling stuff. You should reappraise the “death as entertainment” bullshit, too – I’m sure it’s not healthy.’ ‘We don’t use death as entertainment.’ ‘Not real death any more, agreed,’ said Doc, ‘but enacted unrelentingly in the movies and on the TV, it’s got to be sending mixed messages, eh? Death brings only bereavement and loss, and killing is only ever an option if it is the last possible resort.’ ‘Often it is,’ I said, inexplicably defending my own. ‘If you really believe that is the case,’ said Connie, ‘then I think your species’ somewhat strained relationship with the beneficial powers of compromise and reconciliation could also do with a reappraisal.’ ‘Yes,’ I said after a pause, ‘I think that’s quite a valid point.’ ‘Humans talk a great deal,’ said Doc, ‘and seemingly understand how they should behave – but rarely do. All that chat without positive action is nothing but hot air. It’s a mystery to me how you managed to get this far without imploding.