Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity

by Justin Baldoni

I think showing up is a muscle, and like anything, it needs to be developed. The work of becoming a father doesn’t begin when our babies are born; it begins the moment we find out our partner is pregnant.

You will only have one first pregnancy. It’s one of the reasons Emily and I decided to say WE were pregnant instead of saying SHE was pregnant. It gives me as her partner agency and accountability in this massive life moment.

It also emotionally and spiritually connects me to her physical experience and prepares us for parenthood. But

For example, if you think I didn’t have issues having sex knowing our little baby was inside my wife, then you think way too highly of me. Every guy thinks about it. What if I hurt the baby if I push too hard? Just the thought of knowing there’s a baby in there isn’t sexy either. And that’s okay! All of the feelings and emotions and fear that come up for men during pregnancies and birth are okay and deserve to be expressed and normalized. The key becomes finding a safe place to express them, and that safe place should start with anyone BUT our partner.

This is something we can and should be leaning on the men in our lives for. Our partners are on their own intensive journey as their bodies and minds are changing and shouldn’t be asked to hold our fears and feelings as well. But male friendships can hold us. Therapists can. Mentors can.