Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity

by Justin Baldoni

Being imperfect was the very thing that in fact made me perfect. Even the word itself was telling me. So if our imperfections lead so many of us into this feeling of lack, of not being good enough or enough as it relates to our work, our friendships, and romantic relationships, then maybe it’s time we rethink what being enough even means.

this book to heal from those formative years where the other boys first taught me—scratch that—enforced the rules of masculinity, and handed me my first script that told me what was okay, what was not okay, and set the rules for how I must act to become a man. These rules stacked on top of each other over time, creating a suit of armor that I would wear for decades. An armor that I didn’t even know I was wearing, and because I didn’t know, I had zero tools that could assist me in removing it.

“good” is subjective, and we’ve got to stop trying to prove how “good” we are and just be it, live it, revel in it, and celebrate it without putting others down in the process.

Because, as we know, even asking a question is a sign that you don’t already know the answer, which makes you less of a man and vulnerable to an attack.

to a child, when things are off-limits, they automatically have an implied moral value of being “bad” or “wrong.”

I think I had buried it so deep that I actually forgot it happened. I guess you can’t heal something if you don’t even know it’s broken.

Emily and I often say to each other, “I love the shit out of you.” Because that’s what love is. And if we allow it to, that’s what love does.

So this question is also an invitation to pause and be intentional in the ways that we weave intimacy throughout our day. Maybe it’s holding her hand, having her coffee ready for her when she gets up, making eye contact with her across the living room that’s covered in our children’s toys, telling her I see her and naming something I appreciate about who she is and all she does, hugging her for a few seconds longer, brushing my hand against her butt to let her know I think she is sexy, a little kiss on the back of her neck when she doesn’t expect it, or a stroke of her arm when we pass each other in the middle of the night as we tag-team trying to get our kids back to sleep. These gestures are all part of sex because they are all part of connection, and when the focus is on connection, there is room for more than just our erect penises.