Here the Whole Time

by Vitor Martins

For anyone who has ever gotten into a pool with their shirt on

He sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of all the mess, like an alien in the center of a Renaissance painting (and this is probably the worst comparison you’re going to read today).

I want to know if he’s the type who watches the movie and then reads the book, or the other way around.

The laughter is the worst part. The sound of laughter can make you feel hopeless when the joke is on you.

“In general, I was surprised! I’ve always wanted to watch the movies, but I can’t watch a movie unless I read the book first. It feels like cheating otherwise, y’know? So I grabbed the first book out of curiosity and I’m really liking it. Some parts are a little boring, but the story is awesome. I couldn’t put it down! I just wonder what the second book is going to be like, now that Gandalf is dead.” I hold back a laugh, because if he hasn’t watched the movies, he has no idea what’s about to happen.

“I really like books. And I really like movies. Some good books are made into horrible movies, and great movies came from boring books. And the opposite is also true. I don’t know. I like both. That’s the worst answer, but it’s what I have for you today.”

“Felipe, can I ask you for something?” I want to say, “A kiss? To hold hands? To profess my eternal love?!” But all that comes out of my mouth is “Yes?” “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”

I wonder how people used to avoid awkward silence before smartphones where invented.

But trust me, this story would be twice as dramatic and three times more self-deprecating if it weren’t for my therapist.

It’s a fantasy novel about a girl who was raised like any other person until, on her seventeenth birthday, she discovers she has special powers and a mysterious past. Now shit’s hitting the fan all throughout the kingdom, and everyone’s future lies in the hands of this girl who doesn’t know how to control her powers and doesn’t even try to learn how to. Have you ever read a book like this? Because I’ve read about fifteen.

“Son, the opportunity train only passes by once.

“In a sec,” she answers, and I know she isn’t going to. Those of us who use “in a sec” as code for “never in a million years” understand each other.

Even though she’s thin, Melissa also feels insecure. Being thin is not a prize you win in the lottery of life that guarantees eternal happiness.

“I just had to talk to someone about it, and that someone had to be you, of course. I’m too excited! There was no way I could wait until tomorrow.” “What?” I ask, feeling a streak of drool running down the corner of my mouth. I try to casually wipe it off on my collar. “He’s back!” Your desire to snuggle with me all night? I think. “Gandalf!” Caio explains. “He’s back! I knew he was too important to die in the first book. But, you know, I was over it. And then he suddenly appears, back from the dead!” That’s when I start laughing. Because it’s so funny to see Caio genuinely excited about information that has been publicly available since 1954.

I know every corner of this library, and as soon as I push open the heavy glass door, I can smell the books. The smell brings a lot of memories, and I smile because most of them are good.

The movie ends, the credits start rolling. But the lights don’t come back on because apparently it’s illegal to create movies without scenes after the credits now. So no one budges.

There’s no need to be afraid anymore. —the Cowardly Lion (and also my therapist)

I guess I’ve always been so busy trying to avoid being unhappy that I never found a way to be happy.

“There are some kinds of happiness that are as obvious as a neon sign blinking over your head.”