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“I’m sorry them monsters did this to you. They took Eli, but don't worry.” Her palm flattens on my cheek, determination shining in her sparkling blue eyes. “I won’t allow them to take you, too.”
When other people freak, Jonathan is focused on finding efficient solutions. If he falls, he doesn’t dwell on the smash, he dwells on how to never fall again.
No matter how much has changed, this remains home. My home. Maybe, just maybe, this is where I’m supposed to be.
Being away from her for an entire day is messing with my senses. I’m on a fucking withdrawal and it’s irritating and pissing me off. I can only return to normal when Elsa’s beside me where she belongs.
“This is about Elsa, isn’t it?” he asks. I lift a shoulder. Everything is about Elsa, but neither he nor Jonathan need to know that.
“You don’t deserve her.” “Just like you don’t deserve Astrid?” “At least I changed for her. What did you do for Elsa?” “I found her again.”
Maybe if I keep numbing myself to him and his enigmatic existence, I’ll eventually erase him.
Deep down, I want to cry for the little boy he used to be. The boy with tousled, black hair and metal eyes.
My monster is all tall, powerful, and beautiful. My monster is Aiden King.
“I don’t give promises I don’t keep. You’re the one who does that over and over again. I told you loving me is a one-way road. I told you not to say the fucking words if you didn’t mean them.” I throw a glance at him over my shoulder. “I meant those words. I love you, Aiden, but I also love myself enough to walk away from you.”
Aiden spins around and his cloudy eyes meet mine. He doesn’t have to search for me as if he knew exactly where I stood. Even though his expression is unreadable, I’m almost sure that his thoughts match mine. The real war has started.
She smells of marshmallow, honey, and the beginning of spring. If light has a smell then Elsa is it. Just like Mum smells like warmth.
“When I grow up, I’m gonna buy you a bucket of Maltesers.” “Why?” “Because Dad says you have to buy gifts for the one you marry.” “Marry?” I whisper. “Yup!” She grins. “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you.” “You can’t marry me.”
“Why not?” “Mum says you have to love someone to marry them.” “Then you can just love me.” She throws her hand in the air. “What’s so hard about that?” I remain silent. This girl is crazy. “Hey, Grey Eyes.” She scoots closer. “When I give you the bucket of Maltesers, are you going to share it with me?” I laugh and she laughs with me. Her laughter is like the sunshine after a rainy day. It’s the sun peeking through the cloudy sky. As I watch her, I realise I want to see her laugh all the time. Maybe she’s right. Maybe after we grow up, she needs to stay close so I can see her laugh this way
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There’s no one before Elsa and no one after her. She’s a constant, and soon everyone will know that. Elsa fucking included.
She’s all mine with a capital M. And now, she’s back. This time, only death would do us part.
I deserve better than being the other woman. I deserve better than being a mere pawn. I deserve better than him.
He smells like pain and pleasure. Sweet and bitter at the same time. I would be lying to myself if I say I didn’t miss him, and I promised to never lie to myself again. I missed his maddening touch and that heated look. I missed his kisses and the baths he ran for me. I missed his scent and his crude words. But most of all, I missed him.
Alicia used to say that in order to be accepted, you have to bare yourself. I never understood what that meant. Until Elsa. Now, I’ll do whatever it takes to be accepted by her. If it means letting everything go, then so fucking be it.
“Run and I’ll chase. Hide and I’ll conquer.” He places a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth. “Time to make your move, sweetheart.”
“I don’t remember my dreams,” I tell the boy with grey eyes. He pinches my cheek. “I’ll dream for the both of us.” “Promise?” “Promise, Elsa.”
“There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about you. Every time I manage to sleep, I dream of you. You were my obsession since we were kids, but now it’s way fucking worse. I don’t know how I managed to spend eight years without you in my life when now I suffocate if I don’t see you for hours.” My eyes fill with tears. “Aiden…” “Choose me, Elsa. Choose us.”
“My intentions towards your daughter are simple,” I say with the calmest, most determined voice I can manage. “She’s mine.”
“I couldn’t care less about families clashing. I’ve already taken a side and it’s Elsa’s.”
chose you, Elsa.” He cuts me off, gripping the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turn white. “I chose you over my mother’s memory, my father, and everything I fucking know. But you never chose me.”
“Tell me what happened that night,” I murmur. “That night?” “The night of the fire. The night I lost you.” I blow out a shaky breath. “I want to hear it from you.”
For the rest of our lives, I want to be the only one who witnesses her breaking and support her through the storm. I want to be the one who soothes her ache when she needs soothing. The one who wipes her tears when they need wiping. The one who lifts her up when she needs lifting. I want to be there for her, full stop. She’s mine. Fucking mine. It’s not only her body or her heart that I’m interested in, I want her entire soul so she’ll never be able to leave me.
Maybe there’ll come a day where I don’t need her as much as I need air. There will come a day when I wake up in the morning and the first thought won’t be about her. Though, I doubt it. That day will only come with death.
I never thought there would be a day Elsa would call me her light, even in past tense. I was always the shadow to her darkest desires and I thought I was fine with that. Turns out, I’m a selfish bastard who wants it all. Both her light and her darkness. Her best and her worst. Her everything.
“What I feel for you isn’t only love, obsession, or addiction. It’s all of those and more. Do you know what that means, sweetheart? It means I can’t live without you, so don’t you fucking dare leave me.”
