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My mum used to say I hold grudges. But I prefer to think of it as I remember the facts.
The times we feel more distanced from God are the times when we’re suffering or in pain. Despite the lack of strength during those times, God makes us work our way back to Him again. Then He rewards us for our faith and perseverance.
If you stay in the present moment and not go where your mind is trying to lead you, then you will always be safe. There is safety in the now. Right now, you are in your bedroom talking to me. And that is all there really is. Your worries stem from past experiences and fear of the future. Neither the past nor the future is real. Only the present exists.