Dirty Letters

by Vi Keeland

Fearing something that is inescapable might not be the most productive use of time. Maybe it isn’t even death that I fear but more the fear of the unknown. Do we really go to heaven? I think anyone who has a healthy fear of death must be skeptical of that answer—because if I was certain that I’d go to a place where there’s no pain and no sickness and everyone gets cool wings and meets up with their old chums, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t fear death.

You asked me whether I still believe in God. I feel like God’s presence waxes and wanes in our lives, but yes, I do believe He or She exists. The times we feel more distanced from God are the times when we’re suffering or in pain. Despite the lack of strength during those times, God makes us work our way back to Him again. Then He rewards us for our faith and perseverance.

“You can. True freedom awaits if you can just learn to sit through the feelings without escaping. Once panic subsides, you’ll realize there was never anything to fear at all.

You’re nothing but ink and lies.

What I need . . . is to figure out a way to have some kind of happy medium.

I knew the words he spoke were true. I just didn’t know if him doing everything in his power was enough to make it work between us.

There is safety in the now. Right now, you are in your bedroom talking to me. And that is all there really is. Your worries stem from past experiences and fear of the future. Neither the

I wasn’t ready to share him with the world again.

“It will never be perfect. It will never not be scary. So if you’re waiting for this to not feel terrifying, it never will. There will be hard times. But there will be amazing ones, too. You have to decide whether we’re worth the hardships. In the end, it’s going to come down to one thing: whether love is enough.”

He’d asked me if I believed love was enough, if I would be willing to experience all of the negative things in order to have him in my life. At the time, I truly didn’t know the answer. Now . . . it seemed clear to me. Love is everything. It matters more than fear, more than death. It transcends time. I would literally do anything to have him back in my life, even if it killed me.

To truly overcome any fear, you had to be, at least on some level, willing to die for what was on the other side.

“I think sometimes in life we have to go for the gusto, and if people don’t think we’re acting ridiculous, then we’re not trying hard enough.”