Shadow Princess (Zodiac Academy, #4)

by Caroline Peckham

“It’s just nice for all of us to know our capabilities,” Tory replied with a shrug. “And our limitations,” she tossed at Darius.

Think carefully about where your anger is directed.

“In Solaria we have a tradition of giving rose quartz to someone we want to be exclusive with.” “You do?” I whispered, my heart pounding madly. “Yeah.” He squeezed my hand. “Look, I don’t know what this thing is between us or where it’s going, Blue, but after everything that’s happened, the one thing that’s clear to me is that I don’t want anyone else. So, this crystal is a promise from me that I’m yours. For now. Forever. Or till it all goes to shit, I don’t know which yet.”

Stella hissed, and a strange rattle filled the air.

“You’re what I latch onto to bring me back from the shadows.”

“Yeah. It takes you by surprise, eats you up, spits you out and keeps you begging for more every single day. And once the bond was sealed between us…I feel like my whole fucking world begins and ends with her. I’ll never get enough, the ache in me will never be satisfied. It’s the best feeling in the world.” The grin on my face was way too wide to belong to me, but I couldn’t help it. He was totally in love, and it was too damn cute not to smile over.

“I can’t stop, Blue. I know it’s fucking insane. But I’ve stopped caring about the consequences. This thing between us gets stronger every day and I can’t fight it…can you?”

“I don’t want you to. In fact, I forbid it,” he ordered, and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Lance. Do you really think we can get away with this forever?” I breathed. He locked his arms around me, crushing me to his chest. “You know…that’s the first time you’ve admitted you want this to have a future.”

“Because we’re the same you and me. Both fucked up, broken pieces on a game board that’s bigger than we can cope with. Both hoping to find some way of winning despite the odds being stacked against us all the damn time. Both addicted to things that push our boundaries and make us feel alive. Because at the end of the day, even feeling the worst of things is better than feeling nothing at all.”

“So what?” I snapped. “So I won’t let you ignore me, Roxy,” he snarled. “I’ll have your attention even if I have to take it without your permission.” “Why?” I demanded. “Why not just go after someone else?” “Because we don’t get to choose our obsessions. And you’re mine.”

“Do you have any idea how much I want her? How much it feels like I need her sometimes? It’s like she’s burrowed her way beneath my flesh and taken root in the depths of my soul. I hunger for her and ache for her and for the briefest moment, it felt like maybe she felt the same. Like all the anger and hatred between us had just been covering up everything else we desired. Like just maybe I could have something good like that, something pure and honest and just…mine.”

“The next time you want to drown in them, tell me about it.” “Why?” “Because if you’re going to drown then I’m going to drown with you.”

Don’t be with him because we were together once. For one, too brief, earth-shattering moment, you were mine. And I never should have let you go.

“Sorry today was a disaster.” “It wasn’t,” I said honestly, drawing him closer by tugging on his shirt. “I loved it.” “I love you,” he countered, and the world paused as the weight of his words slowed time itself. “Lance,” I inhaled, a feeling of raw happiness threading itself into my heart. “This isn’t the way I was going to say it and I’m still not sure that I should have…” His brows pulled together. “I don’t know how long we have, Blue, but my heart will be yours whether we’re together or not.”

I trailed my fingers along some of the dresses and the faintest smell of rosewater stirred the air. I paused, my eyes falling shut as the strangest sense of warmth and safety slipped over me. Like I was being held tight in someone’s arms and nothing in the world could touch me.

“She loved us, Darcy,” I murmured. “Our father did too…no matter what else he was or what he did. Our parents wanted us.”

“Of course, we are the most powerful Fae in the Kingdom,” I mused. “So, I guess it would be ours whichever way you looked at it.”

“Because you’re in my head all the time. You pulse through my blood with each beat of my heart. I live for every scrap of attention you offer me and suffer through every moment you spend ignoring me,” he said darkly, holding my eye the entire time. “I thought you hated me?” I asked. “I do,” he agreed. “Because you represent everything I want and everything I can’t have.”

“I was the reason no one ever kept us,” I said in a low voice, like admitting this out loud might make it even more true. “I was the loud one. The rude one. The one that no one liked, let alone loved. I actually overheard one of our foster carers asking social services to find me a new placement while they offered to adopt Darcy alone. I could have told our social worker that I’d agree to that. I could have let her be happy instead of dragging her down with me. But that’s what I do. I’m the one who stopped her from having Christmas traditions or friends who lasted more than a semester. I’m the one no one has ever wanted long term…”

“Neither do I,” he growled. “But when I see you, all I want is to lay claim to you. I want you to be mine and I know you never will be and it’s making me even more fucked up than I was to begin with. That’s why I hate you. Not because I’m supposed to or because my father wants me to, but because you represent every freedom I’ve never been given. It’s like you were designed entirely to taunt me and toy with me and crack me open and I won’t let it stand.”

“I don’t want you on your knees. I want you fighting me and hating me and fucking me like you mean it. You’re Roxanya Vega and you weren’t built to bow to anyone,” he growled passionately. “You want me to hate you?” I asked in surprise. “I want you to feel for me. And I’ll take hate if that’s all you’re offering.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but this is my home, Xavier. And if you want to shift, then you shift.”

“Look at you, little dude! Fucking ace. Now let’s see how fast you can run!”

“Excuse me snoopy snooperson, I have a throne room to impregnate.”

“I mean, like the way I lie awake at night, remembering what it felt like to hold you in my arms. How still the world felt, how pure that moment was between us. How I imagine I can still smell your perfume as my eyes fall closed and how I reach across my bed in the night wishing you were really there. Or like the way my heart beats harder when you walk into a room and my throat thickens when I try to think of the right things to say to you. How I fight to get your attention in any way I can because I can’t bear it when you ignore me.”