The Eternity Code (Artemis Fowl, #3)

by Eoin Colfer

The waitress scurried to the kitchen, relieved to escape from the pale youth at table six. She’d seen a vampire movie once. The undead creature had had the very same hypnotic stare. Maybe the kid spoke like a grown-up because he was actually five hundred years old.

“The CIA,” breathed Spiro. “They suspect me of selling military secrets. They’ve pulled one of their birds out of orbit, just to track me.” “Or perhaps me,” noted Artemis. “Perhaps you,” agreed Spiro. “You’re looking more dangerous by the second.”

Artemis was at a loss for words. Something that had only happened twice since his fifth birthday.

Goblins. Evolution’s little joke. Pick the dumbest creatures on the planet and give them the ability to conjure fire.

“I’ve restored power to Stonehenge and our satellite arrays. We’ll have to risk it, you need to get aboveground and we need to stay in contact. The future of our civilization could depend on it.” Holly felt the weight of responsibility settle on her shoulders. This “future of our civilization” thing was happening more and more, lately.

“No!” shouted Artemis, staggering backward. This wasn’t right. This was not the way things should end. For some reason, he had always imagined that they would die together. Perhaps facing insurmountable odds in some exotic location. On the lip of Vesuvius perhaps, or the banks of the mighty Ganges. But together, as friends. After all they had been through, Butler could not simply be defeated at the hands of some grandstanding, second-rate muscleman.

The other port was in Wiltshire, beside what humans referred to as Stonehenge. Mud People had several theories as to the origins of the structure. Hypotheses ranged from spaceship landing port to pagan center of worship. The truth was far less glamorous. Stonehenge had actually been an outlet for a flat, bread-based food. Or in human terms, a pizza parlor.

“He stopped a bullet that was meant for me,” replied Artemis. “When are you going to learn, Mud Boy?” snapped the fairy. “Your little schemes have a tendency to get people hurt. Usually the people who care about you.” Artemis didn’t answer. The truth was the truth after all.

Mulch was forced to think on his feet. If Carla Frazetti thought he wasn’t up to the job, then they would send somebody else. Somebody with no qualms about leading the Mob to Artemis’s door. Mulch was surprised to realize that he couldn’t let that happen. The Irish boy had saved his life during the goblin rebellion, and was the closest thing he had to a friend. Which was pretty pathetic when you thought about it. He had to take the job, if only to make sure that it didn’t go according to plan.

Mulch had decided that the best way to undermine the mission was to antagonize Loafers until he went crazy. Driving people crazy was a talent of his, and one that he did not get to exercise often enough.

Digence had somehow been working for the Irish kid all along. And what’s more, Mo was not Mo, he was Mulch. What kind of a name was that? Mulch who was apparently a “Fairy Dwarf.” This was getting weirder and weirder. Maybe the Fairy Dwarfs were some kind of gang. Although it wasn’t much of a gang name. The Fairy Dwarfs were hardly going to strike terror into the hearts of the competition.

“And the camera?” “Here we go.” Holly removed a contact lens from a jar of fluid. “This thing is a marvel. We’ve got high resolution, digital quality, recordable picture with several filter options, including magnification and thermal.” Mulch sucked a chicken bone dry. “You’re starting to sound like Foaly.” Artemis stared at the lens. “A technological marvel it may be, but it’s hazel.” “Of course it’s hazel. My eyes are hazel.” “I’m glad to hear it, Holly. But my eyes are blue, as you well know. This iris-cam will not do.” “Don’t look at me like that, Mud Boy. You’re the genius.” “I can’t go in there with one brown eye and one blue eye. Spiro will notice.” “Well, you should have thought of that while you were meditating. It’s a little late now.”

Artemis was about to respond, when he realized that he was supposed to be the “terrified kid.” It wasn’t going to be easy. Being humble was a real problem for Artemis Fowl.

Spiro was not even listening. “Yeah yeah, whatever you say, kid. But let me tell you something. You bit off more than you could chew when you agreed to come here. The Spiro Needle has the best security on the planet. We’ve got stuff in there that even the military don’t have. Once those doors close behind you, you’re on your own. Nobody is coming to save you. Nobody. Understand?” Artemis nodded. He understood what Spiro was saying to him. That wasn’t to say that he agreed with it. Jon Spiro might have “stuff” that the military didn’t have, but Artemis Fowl had “stuff” that humans had never seen.

“Take it easy now, won’t you?” said Mulch anxiously. “Dwarfs are creatures of the soil. We don’t like flying. We don’t even like jumping too high.” Holly opened the throttle on her wings, heading downtown. “I’ll be just as considerate of your feelings as you are of the LEP’s.” Mulch paled. Funny how this diminutive elf was much scarier than two six-foot hit men. “Holly, if I ever did anything to offend you, I unreservedly—” He never finished that particular sentence, because their sudden acceleration forced the words back down his throat.

Artemis was well aware of his talents. He was a plotter, a schemer, a planner of dastardly deeds.

“What’s the problem, ladies? If you’re fighting over me, don’t bother. I make it a point never to date outside my species.” The tension deflated like a punctured balloon. “Dream on, hairball,” said Holly. “Nightmare, more like,” added Juliet. “I make it a point never to date anyone who lives in a dung heap.” Mulch was unperturbed. “You’re both in denial. I have that effect on females.” “I don’t doubt it,” said Holly, grinning.

“You should be nice to me, Holly. I’m doing you a big favor. If Julius knew I was helping you, he’d be extremely angry.” “Which is exactly why you are doing it.”

“You have taken everything from me,” he shouted. “Everything.” Artemis was strangely calm. “You don’t understand, Jon. It’s like I told you. I was never here.” He paused for breath. “And one more thing. About my name, Artemis. You were right in London, it is generally a female name. After the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.” And just like that, he disappeared.

They reached Ireland without major incident, though Mulch did attempt to escape Holly’s custody fifteen times. Including once on the Lear jet, where he was discovered in the washroom with a parachute and a bottle of dwarf rock polish. Holly did not let him out of her sight after that.

Artemis stood and approached Mulch Diggums. “Mulch. Of all the fairy people, I will miss your services the most. We could have had such a future together.” Mulch looked a touch teary. “True. With your brains and my special talents.” “Not to mention your mutual lack of morals,” interjected Holly. “No bank on the planet would have been safe,” said the dwarf. “A missed opportunity.”

Artemis’s face was composed, in spite of the emotions churning inside him. “Well, then, I have a few things to say.” Root was curious in spite of himself. “One minute, Fowl. Then nighty-night.” “Very well. First, thank you. I have my family and friends around me thanks to the People. I wish I didn’t have to forget that.” Holly laid a hand on his shoulder. “It’s better this way, Artemis. Believe me.” “And second, I want you all to think back to the first time you met me. Remember that night?” Holly shuddered. She remembered the cold individual who had attacked her by a magical hotspot in Southern Ireland. Commander Root would never forget escaping an exploding tanker by the skin of his wings, and Foaly’s first encounter with Artemis had been via a recording of the negotiations for Holly’s release. He had been a despicable creature. “If you take away the memories and influences of the People,” continued Artemis, “I might become that person again. Is that what you really want?” It was a chilling thought. Were the People responsible for Artemis’s transformation? And were they to be responsible for changing him back?