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The issue that we must focus on is not how the world is, but how we see the world. And also, we cannot escape our subjectivity.
And they end up living in search of ‘okay as I am’ ingredients in order to affirm their current situation.
YOUR ‘NOW’ DECIDES THE PAST
YOUTH: Because history is something that is always rewritten by the victor? PHILOSOPHER: It is the same with us as individuals. Every person is a compiler of a story of ‘me’ who rewrites his or her own past as desired to prove the legitimacy of ‘me now’.
PHILOSOPHER: I wouldn’t say that anyone enjoys being rebuked. But, there is a sense of heroic fulfilment in being able to say to oneself, ‘I did something that was special enough to get rebuked.’ They can prove to themselves that they are special beings by getting rebuked.
PHILOSOPHER: Instead of seeking approval, one has to approve oneself, with one’s own mind. YOUTH: Approve oneself? PHILOSOPHER: Having another
YOUTH: Enough of your wisecracking, you sadist! What person today would not take being told ‘You are a common, ordinary human being’ as an insult? What person would be comforted by hearing ‘That’s individuality, too,’ and take you seriously? PHILOSOPHER: If you feel insulted by these words, you are probably still trying to be a ‘special me’. Consequently, you seek approval from others. Consequently, you seek to gain admiration and draw attention and continue to live within the framework of problem behaviour.
A way of living in which, instead of being yourself, you compare yourself to others and try to accentuate only your difference is just a way of living in which you deceive both others and yourself.
By saving another person, one tries to be saved oneself. By passing oneself off as a kind of saviour, one attempts to realise one’s own worth.
Concealed beneath the statement put forth by Adler, ‘All problems are interpersonal relationship problems,’ there lies this definition of happiness: ‘All joy is interpersonal relationship joy.’
So, you’re saying that because I hate myself, I look only at myself?
All human problems are interpersonal relationship problems.
As Adler puts it, for all of us, it is only when we can feel ‘I am of use to someone’ that we can have a true awareness that we have worth.
