The Courage to be Happy: True Contentment Is In Your Power

by Ichiro Kishimi

Educators who let their students say things like, ‘Thanks to you, I was able to graduate,’ or ‘Thanks to you, I was able to pass my exams,’ are failing to provide education in the truest sense of the word. It is necessary to have the students gain the awareness that they can accomplish things under their own power.

concretely speaking, in what way can one provide an education that does not put children in positions of dependence or irresponsibility? In what way can one aid in real self-reliance?

Being constantly concerned about how one is judged by others, one can no longer live one’s own life. It becomes a way of living that is no longer free. We have to be free. And if one hopes to find freedom, one must not seek approval

The person who is capable of feeling truly happy only upon being praised will seek to get praised more until the very last moment of their lives. Such a person, having been left in a position of dependence, will lead a life of ceaseless seeking, a life without fulfilment.

Having another person decide the worth of ‘me’—that is dependence. Or, determining the worth of ‘me’ oneself—which is called self-reliance. If one were to ask which choice leads to a happy life, the answer should be clear. Your worth is not decided by someone else.

That’s impossible! We don’t have confidence in ourselves, and that’s exactly why we need approval from others! PHILOSOPHER: That is probably because we don’t have enough courage to be normal. It’s okay to be just as we are. Your place to be is there, without needing to be a special being or be outstanding in any way. Let’s accept our ordinary selves, ourselves as everyone else.

instead of placing worth on being different from people, place worth on being yourself. That is true individuality. A way of living in which, instead of being yourself, you compare yourself to others and try to accentuate only your difference is just a way of living in which you deceive both others and yourself.

rather than laying emphasis on my difference from others, place worth on being myself, even if that’s mediocre? PHILOSOPHER: Yes. Because your individuality is not something relative—it is absolute.

All you need to think about is what’s right in front of you? PHILOSOPHER: For better or for worse, that is the only place we can start from. If one wants to rid the world of conflict, one has to free oneself from conflict first.

‘Someone has to start. Other people might not be cooperative, but that is not connected to you. My advice is this: you should start. With no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.’

It should be easy to understand if we use money as an example instead. Basically, it is people in a position of affluence who can engage in giving something to others. If one does not have enough saved up, one cannot engage in giving.

We have to keep our hearts abundant and give what we have saved up to others. We must not wait for respect from other people, but must ourselves have respect and confidence in them. We must not become poor-spirited.

There are many adults who treat their own weakness or misfortune, their hurt, troubled background and trauma, as a weapon and plot how they will control other people. They will try to control others by making them worry and by restricting their own words and actions.

I am a person without any outstanding traits. That is why I cannot build a love relationship with anyone. I cannot embark on love without collateral. This is a typical inferiority-complex way of thinking, because one is using one’s feelings of inferiority as an excuse for not resolving one’s tasks. YOUTH: But, but . . . PHILOSOPHER: One separates the tasks. Loving is your task. But how will the other person respond to your love? That is the other person’s task and is not something you can control. What you can do is separate the tasks, and just love first, from yourself. That is all.