Everything I Know About Love

by Dolly Alderton

we had a never-ending supply of Marlboro Lights under our mattresses.

I had equated love with thinness and, to my horror, reinforcement of this belief was everywhere.

The war was over; the recovery began. I got my life back.

As I got older and mercifully more aware of what a precious gift a healthy working body is, I felt ashamed and bewildered that I could have treated mine so badly. But it would be a lie to say I think I will ever be entirely free of what happened in that time, which is something no one ever tells you. You can restore your physical being to health; you can develop a rational, balanced, caring attitude to weight as well as good daily habits. But you can’t forget how many calories are in a boiled egg or how many steps burn how many calories. You can’t forget what exact weight you were every week of every month that made up that time. You can try as hard as you can to block it out, but sometimes, on very difficult days, it feels like you’ll never be as euphoric as that ten-year-old licking lurid jam off her fingertips, not ever again.

There isn’t a pebble on the beach of my history that she has left unturned. She knows where to find everything in me and I know where all her stuff is too. She is, in short, my best friend.

He was being uncharacteristically affectionate and needy, the way men like him are when they sense you’ve grown distant

He picked up a guitar. Oh no. Not this—anything but this.