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But mostly? I just want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see staring back at me. I want to know what it’s like to feel like I’m enough.
Because every fat person will tell you…no one judges us harder than we judge ourselves.
“Everyone is fake,” he clarifies. “No one is real. We’re all sheep…following each other around in circles…going nowhere.”
“I’ve only met one person who doesn’t pretend to be someone they’re not.” “Who?” Butterflies swarm in my belly when his lips twitch and those intense green eyes zero in on me. “My favorite Bible Thumper.” I’m torn between wanting to smack him and wanting to smile because I’m his favorite anything. “Asshole.”
“How come lies are so beautiful and the truth is always so fucking ugly?”
“Colton.” His eyes narrow. “Tell anyone and I’ll make your life a living hell…one that’s ten times worse than the one your little God threatens you with.”
I’d give almost anything to know what it feels like to be pretty and thin like Casey and to have Cole Covington look at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on. But I know it will never happen, because all he sees—all most people see when they look at me—is a fat virgin who loves Jesus. And girls like that don’t get the fairy tale.
“What do you want, Colton?” The pure agony that slashes across his face wraps around my heart and squeezes. “Something I can never have…because I’ll destroy it.”
He laughs to himself. “Besides, it could always be worse.” “How?” “She could have gone as a Patriot,” he says before he hangs up. Prick.
“Me being real.” My breath hitches when he places my hand over his wildly beating heart. “But I should warn you…it’s dark inside.”
“You ended with a positive. You can tell a lot about how someone feels about a person by the way they end a statement, especially when they’re feeling conflicted about them.”
Something tells me he wouldn’t appreciate me informing him that I have every intention of fucking his daughter so good she’s going to start calling me daddy soon.
“Great. Take a deep breath for me,” the patient piercer instructs. “Wait,” Oakley screams. “I need one more minute.” “Jesus Christ!” Cole roars. “Motherfucker, if you tell her to wait one more time, I’m putting that barbell through your dick myself.”
He’s asking her to hang out in a completely different state. Which can only mean one thing. He’s serious with someone else…but wants to use my girlfriend as a side piece. Fuck that noise. My girl isn’t anyone’s side piece or booty call. Hell, she’s not even mine.
“Why else would you?” I tell her the honest truth. “Because a spiteful bitch destroyed something of yours…and I wanted to fix it.” Her eyes become glassy. “Why?” “I don’t know,” I answer in frustration. “Because I fucking felt like it, all right?” “Colton,” she presses. “Casey ruined your shit because of me,” I growl. “If it was anyone else she fucked with, I wouldn’t care, but it wasn’t. It was you…and that’s a problem for me.”
She tucks her blouse into her skirt. “I don’t want to fight.” “Then stop being an asshole.” Her mouth drops open. “Did you just call me an asshole?” “I’m sorry.” I flash her some teeth. “I meant—comfortable asshole.” And then it happens…she starts laughing. And her laughter is so contagious…I can’t help but join her. I’m so fucked.
“If this is gonna work between us, I have three rules.” She raises an eyebrow. “What?” “Don’t ever lie to me again. Don’t ever mess around with another guy. And don’t bring up Liam…ever.”
“If you’re expecting an apol—” “For punching Abbott Carney? Hell no. I’ve wanted to do that ever since Sawyer came home crying because that son-of-a-bitch kissed her but pretended it was Catherine.”
“You think love is perfect? Like one of those fairytales?” He shakes his head. “Hell no. Love is hard…difficult. It’s dealing with someone’s shit day in and day out but never giving up on them because your heart won’t let you. It’s having a million reasons to leave them…but always having one good reason to stay.”
His eyes sear through me. “I don’t want you to marry Abbott Carney and have his baby.” Say what now? “Wh—” He takes a step forward. “I want you to marry me and have my babies.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “Not because I deserve you, but because I’m so in love with you I’ll never stop fighting for you…for us.”
“I’m sorry I ruined the wedding. I’m sorry I push you away when you get too close. I’m sorry I keep fucking things up. I wish I could say I’ll stop, but the truth is I’ll probably fuck up a million more times…but one thing I’ll never do is stop loving you. Ever.” He punches the spot above his heart. “You weren’t supposed to get in here, but you did.” He cups my face. “And now you’re stuck.”
“I’m sorry I called you fat that day. I’m sorry I joined the group of assholes who hurt you…but I swear I didn’t fucking mean it.” I intertwine my fingers with hers. “I’ll love you at a hundred pounds and I’ll love you at five-hundred pounds.” I bring her hand to my lips. “I’ll love you in whatever shape and form you come in…because you’re you.”
He goes to kiss me, but I stop him. “I’ve been in a coma for seven days, remember?” “I don’t give a fuck,” he says before he slams his mouth against mine. My dad clears his throat. “I got you some water.” He glares daggers at Cole. “One of these days I’m gonna shoot your ass.” Cole just smiles. “No, you won’t.”
And I’ve never felt luckier. Because he loves me. Even when I didn’t know how to love myself.
He goes down on one knee. “Then how about a bet?” My brain scrambles and I clutch my chest. “What kind of bet?” A cocky smirk curves his lips as he opens a jewelry box containing a stunning diamond ring. “I bet you’ll marry me in four years.” A rush of emotion grips my heart, catching me by the throat. “You’re on,” I whisper. And then I give him a smile of my own. Because this is one bet he’s not going to lose.
