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I’m the proverbial round peg forever trying to fit inside a square hole…desperately trying to make my outside match my inside.
Because every fat person will tell you…no one judges us harder than we judge ourselves.
He squeezes my hand like he’s drowning…and I’m his lifeline.
“Everyone is fake,” he clarifies. “No one is real. We’re all sheep…following each other around in circles…going nowhere.”
“I’ve only met one person who doesn’t pretend to be someone they’re not.” “Who?” Butterflies swarm in my belly when his lips twitch and those intense green eyes zero in on me. “My favorite Bible Thumper.” I’m torn between wanting to smack him and wanting to smile because I’m his favorite anything. “Asshole.”
Cole tastes exactly like I always imagined he would. Beer, heaven…and carnal sin.
“Even if she was here, I’d be wishing it was you.” There’s not enough air in the room after that statement.
All my life, I’ve tried my hardest to take the moral high road. For once, I want to indulge and see what it’s like to be the girl who gets the guy.
Perhaps it’s time I silence the negative voice inside my head for good so it doesn’t ruin this thing between us before it even starts. Because maybe, just maybe… a girl like me can get the guy.
They all worship me because they think I’m better than them. But I’m not. I’m just better at being fake.
Holy shit. This bitch is one fry short of a happy meal.
“What is wrong with you?” His eyes harden. “You, Sawyer Church. You are everything that’s wrong with me.”
“I don’t give a fuck.” His eyes shine with malice. “And you desperately need one.”
“You would have been perfect for him.” I have no idea who he’s talking about. “Perfect for who?”
“What do you want, Colton?” The pure agony that slashes across his face wraps around my heart and squeezes. “Something I can never have…because I’ll destroy it.”
Something was wrong with our mom, but it wasn’t something you could see. Just like a secret superpower, it was invisible. Only instead of making her strong and powerful…it made her weak and fragile.
Something tells me he wouldn’t appreciate me informing him that I have every intention of fucking his daughter so good she’s going to start calling me daddy soon.
The woman has been pushing me to go to the gym ever since I was twelve. Truth be told, there are times I lie to appease her and drive to McDonald’s instead.
If the man who’s supposed to love me the most in this world secretly feels like I’m so unattractive it makes me unlovable…the rest of the universe must be utterly repulsed by me.
“Oh, and for the record, sir. No one—not even God—can keep me away from your daughter, so I suggest you get used to me.”
He sees me. Flaws and all.
superficial assmunch.
But that’s what I do. I hurt…so I hurt others. Especially the people I care about most.
“1-800-you better stop hitting on my girlfriend before I kick your goddamn teeth in,”
Because no matter how ruthless and damaged he is…a world without Colton isn’t a world I want to live in.
He covers it up by making rude, hurtful remarks…but deep down, he’s grieving a vital part of himself he lost. Liam.
It’s the kind of kiss that makes your knees go weak and puts your brain in a blender. The kind of kiss you touch yourself to in the middle of the night while you think the dirtiest of thoughts.
Fuck him for all the dirty things he wants to do to my body. And fuck me…for everything I’m going to let him get away with in this locker room. “More,” a voice that sounds a whole lot like mine moans.
“Oh…Jesus. Shit.” “Careful, Bible Thumper,” I tease. “He might hear you.”
“Ever had anyone suck your clit while they finger fuck you?” She blinks. “Um…I’ve never had anyone do any of those things separately, let alone at the same time.” “Well, today’s your lucky day, sweetness.”
She tastes like heaven…if heaven actually existed and was full of supreme tasting pussy.
Do you think I’m made of steel, Colton? How many times do you think I can survive you hurting me like this?”
“At the end of the day, we're all just trying to get to the same place, right? Who am I to judge?”
“There is no one in the world like you, Sawyer.”
I might not deserve Sawyer…but I want her. All of her. No walls. No guardrails. No safety nets. No stupid contract or bet. Just us. For real this time.
My blood quickens and a stream of panic flows through me as he rips Izzy’s head off and throws it on the ground. The crowd of people surrounding us gasp. “Wh—” I panic for a whole different reason when he cups my face in his hands and rasps, “Be my girlfriend.”
“So be a good little Bible Thumper while I play with my pussy.” “Um...I think you mean my pussy. Thank you very much.” Smirking, he looks up at me. “Not anymore, it’s not.”
“Too bad for you only good boys get to stay and watch the show.” All my blood rushes to my dick.
“Too bad for you, I’ve never been a good boy.” Shoving my hand through the opening of her robe, I cup her pussy. I can feel her wetness seeping through the cotton of her panties. “Then again, it doesn’t really seem like you mind.”
“However, if you want some frank feedback, Bible thumper. Less talking and more suc—Jesus fucking Christ.”
She swallows. Of-fucking-course she does. Because she’s perfect.
“I care about you…so fucking much. It scares me.” That makes two of us.
I wasn’t their first choice. I’m never anyone’s first choice.
She’s so goddamn beautiful. So pure and innocent and good. The saint a sinner like me never deserved.
Sometimes, when you least expect it…two beautifully broken souls end up finding each other. Even when the world says they’re not supposed to…because they don’t fit inside the same box.
“You think love is perfect? Like one of those fairytales?” He shakes his head. “Hell no. Love is hard…difficult. It’s dealing with someone’s shit day in and day out but never giving up on them because your heart won’t let you. It’s having a million reasons to leave them…but always having one good reason to stay.”
“I want you to marry me and have my babies.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “Not because I deserve you, but because I’m so in love with you I’ll never stop fighting for you…for us.”
I’m sorry I keep fucking things up. I wish I could say I’ll stop, but the truth is I’ll probably fuck up a million more times…but one thing I’ll never do is stop loving you. Ever.”
“Promise you won’t give up on me.” I won’t. Ever. “I promise.”
I used to think I knew what sex was—hormones and lust. Fulfilling a biological urge and releasing some pent-up impulse. And while it can be all those things…it can also be more than that. It can be loving someone so much you want to give them the rawest, most stripped-down parts of yourself…because there aren’t enough words to express how much you feel for them.
