Becoming Duchess Goldblatt
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14%
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When I edit, I remove the words that don’t want to be there, hand wash them in warm water, and lay them flat to dry. I might use them later.
15%
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His friend asks him why he always repeats those same numbers over and over. “I passcode protected my mom.” As if it should be obvious. “Why?” “To keep her safe.”
20%
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I left a window open overnight and the moonlight slipped away and now the sun’s getting in and touching all my stuff.
21%
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Hopes and dreams need air. Cracking a window in the car an inch and leaving them behind while you run errands will not work. They could die.
24%
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Just when you think you can’t expect less, you have to learn again to expect less.
25%
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The prodigal son, to my way of thinking, was a terrible jackass.
27%
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She became a litmus test, if you will; if you liked Duchess’s humor, and if you got her jokes and references, you’d probably like the other people who were drawn to her for the same reasons.
31%
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Elizabeth McCracken, Thunderstruck & Other Stories Celeste Ng, Everything I Never Told You Alexander Chee, The Queen of the Night Laura Lippman, Sunburn
46%
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Duchess came to life to save me, and I wasn’t writing her for anybody but myself. I let my cozy mysteries and haiku have a sleepover, and now the vicar’s examining a cherry blossom and nobody’s unraveling any dark secrets.
47%
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I don’t want to grow,” I explained. “I have literally zero interest in growing. That’s why I’m talking to you. I just want to feel better. Can’t you just make me feel better?”
47%
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Not until people start seeing typos eating out of their garbage cans at night will they regret hunting proofreaders almost to extinction.
72%
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He liked good-natured humor, kind humor that didn’t hurt anyone; a clever play on words or the surprise punch line he couldn’t see coming.