Becoming Duchess Goldblatt

by Duchess Goldblatt

Men can be careless, not women. Women have to hold the world steady, or the whole operation will spin right off its axis.

“I think any time you’re trying to understand what’s happening in a person’s life, anybody’s life, you have to look back at the patterns,”

“Next time,” she said, “try to find a friend who’s emotionally healthy. Try to find someone who’s fully functional.” “But if they’re emotionally healthy and functioning, why would they need me?” She studied me closely for a minute. “I’m not sure you understand what a friend is,” she said.

It was refreshing, really; it was all the fun of having a wide circle of friends without any of the usual obligations or, on the flip side, any of the traditional expectation that I would ever be able to count on them in any way.

The human mind is kind. It will create blank spaces for itself. I think of them as little airbags in my mind, cushioning the tender places where the blows and bruises are.

say. “You love people because they’re people, because they’re human beings. Not necessarily because you enjoy their company, which is one kind of love, but because you recognize they’re inherently worthy. Every person is inherently worthy.

“We have to love other people regardless of their actions and without any hope of reward. Even our enemies deserve our grace.”

him. When someone you love dies, you lose them in pieces over time, but you also get them back in pieces: little fragments of memory come rushing back through what they cared about, what brought them joy.

Look for the patterns. People will show you who they’re going to be.

But maybe longevity in relationships isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe sometimes it’s okay to cut people loose.

me. She didn’t speak for God. She had missed the whole point of God’s love. She misunderstood the nature of the divine and was, therefore, not to be trusted.

“I know when you’re ready to use your voice, you will.”

story. Funny ideas are everywhere if you’re vigilant and always on the lookout, as I had to be.

of. In our tradition, a girl is a gift to the family; it’s her job to see that everyone’s all right.

Choices are a luxury. We forget that sometimes, don’t we? Not everybody gets to have choices.

If I make a joke at another person’s expense, even a gentle joke, even if the person is beyond the reach of my voice and will never know it or be hurt by it: it diminishes my listener to hear it; it diminishes me to tell it. The better joke is always going to be the one that doesn’t hurt anybody.

If you commit to the relationship, you’re being faithful to that. Same with friendship.

If you’ve ever wondered what the right thing is to say to someone who’s grieving a death, I think this is it: Tell me all about your dear one.