2am Thoughts

by Makenzie Campbell

To spend a night with you would be marvelous. Not for any physical pleasures. Do not get me wrong. Rather to hear your aspirations and goals. What makes you cringe? What makes you smile? I want to know what your childhood was like. What were your troubles? What are your biggest fears? What do you dream about while you sleep? I want you to talk until the pattern of your voice vibrates my teeth and bones. I want to know every piece, every detail about you. I want your heart. I want the rhythm of my heart to align with the drumming of yours. I want you and I to not be you and I. I want you and I to be us.

I live for these nights. Staying up all night talking and getting to know one another. Even when you think you already fully know that person

Through all the darkness surrounding me, you somehow found a way to shed light. 5:06

I need the affection and attention you give me. No one looks at me the way you do. No one ever will.

Emotions are such a complex concept to understand.

When you claimed you were working late and instead found yourself in another woman’s bed in the dark, each body part melting into the next, and then regretted it the following morning, you told me it was a moment of weakness. It wasn’t. It was a moment of truth.

I tried to convince myself that one more night with you would change things. over and over and over. Until I had crumpled together in my hand one hundred nights with you and still this empty feeling in my chest.

One second. That’s all it took for him to break my heart.

You left me there wondering why, how, what did I do wrong?

She is only a star within my entire galaxy, but you looked at her and thought she was the sun.

I indulge myself in a book because diving headfirst into another fantasy is so much more peaceful than living in this reality.

Days, months, years could pass before you call me on my cell phone. And I will still be sitting here waiting for your ringtone.

When he talks about her I can feel myself both smile and wince at the same time. I am happy he is happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him. But I’ve always hoped he would find that happiness with me.