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There is a feeling that by doing the natural thing of growing up, I have carelessly waltzed away from a mess. It feels that I have disowned my tribe by choosing to believe that the world is full of creatures and spirits rather than predators and ghosts.
If I could remember anything, I would remember my belief that my extra love could just be used on myself. But when I stop feeling pleasure and stop imagining things I also forget my beliefs, the things that float my spirit on this sea.
But I have had my heart broken once again, and I am exhausted, and I have forgotten that I can still give to myself. And so I sit here with waves crashing and repeating, and all I can do is wait and hope that eventually my sea will cough up some shell with a shape like a swirl of sound and I will look anew and I will listen better.
If I planted my pussy in the ground right now it would grow into a tree of flaming swords with a moat of tears around it. What is my diagnosis?
I mean... How many of us feel this way and are not ready to admit it
In the very grooves of my being is the desire to bust open, and the certainty that it is right to begin to live again even after long periods of cold and darkness.
Go for a walk outside. While you are on the walk, if there is a person with a dog, look at the dog and say, “Hi!” Say hi to the dog first. And then look up at the person and laugh—a small three-bubble laugh—and say, “Hi,” kindly, as if they know that their dog is great and you know it too, as if it’s normal to say hello to the dog before hello to the person, as if it is normal to say hello to a dog at all, as if the person and you understand something together.
HAHA WHY IS THIS SO GOOD.
Only do a little gossip and make sure it doesn’t make any dents in anyone.
Well, I am so sensitive and I am very fragile but so is everything else, and living with a dangerous amount of sensitivity is sort of what I have to do sometimes, and it is so very much better than living with no gusto at all. And I’d rather live with a tender heart, because that is the key to feeling the beat of all of the other hearts.
