Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life

by Richard Carlson

“Change the things that can be changed, accept those that cannot, and have the wisdom to know the difference.”

The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other.

As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself.

It’s the recognition that other people’s problems, their pain and frustrations, are every bit as real as our own—often far worse.

Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from yourself to other people. Action is simply the “what you do about it.”

Remember, when you die, there will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what? Someone else will do it for you! Don’t waste any more precious moments of your life regretting the inevitable.

Remind yourself (before a conversation begins, if possible) to be patient and wait.

Mark Twain said, “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you. You’ll find that if you do this, you’ll be far less annoyed, bothered, and frustrated by the actions and imperfections of other people.

Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided.

Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We start to believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They are not. If you want to be a more peaceful person you must understand that being right is almost never more important than allowing yourself to be happy.

When we do recognize that life isn’t fair, however, we feel compassion for others and for ourselves. And compassion is a heartfelt emotion that delivers loving-kindness to everyone it touches.

We take our own goals so seriously that we forget to have fun along the way, and we forget to cut ourselves some slack. We take simple preferences and turn them into conditions for our own happiness. Or, we beat ourselves up if we can’t meet our self-created deadlines.

Often a single act of kindness sets a series of kind acts in motion.

I’m not suggesting that it’s not okay for you to be right—only that if you insist on being right, there is often a price to pay—your inner peace.

“If you had an hour to live and could make only one phone call—who would you call, what would you say, and why are you waiting?”

When you are interested in other perspectives, it doesn’t imply, even slightly, that you’re advocating it. I certainly wouldn’t choose a punk rock lifestyle or suggest it to anyone else. At the same time, however, it’s really not my place to judge it either. One of the cardinal rules of joyful living is that judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be.

I still catch myself criticizing other points of view, but far less than I used to. All that changed was my intention to find the grain of truth in other positions. If you practice this simple strategy, some wonderful things will begin to happen: You’ll begin to understand those you interact with, others will be drawn to your accepting and loving energy, your learning curve will be enhanced, and, perhaps most important, you’ll feel much better about yourself.

Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires.

If you focus on ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in Hawaii, you’ll end up having more fun. If you ever do get to Hawaii, you’ll be in the habit of enjoying yourself. And, if by some chance you don’t, you’ll have a great life anyway.

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

The key, I believe, is to remember that being of service isn’t a one-time effort. It’s not doing something nice for someone and then wondering why others aren’t being nice too, or doing things for us. Instead, a life of service is a lifelong process, a way of thinking about life.

I’m Not Okay, You’re Not Okay, and That’s Okay. Give yourself a break. No one is going to bat 100 percent, or even close to it. All that’s important is that, generally speaking, you are doing your best and that you are moving in the right direction.

Circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.