Don't Overthink It: Make Easier Decisions, Stop Second-Guessing, and Bring More Joy to Your Life

by Anne Bogel

As Annie Dillard writes, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”

“I’m the kind of person who _____” is a powerful statement, no matter what goes in that blank. A shift in our sense of identity—that is, a shift in how we fill in that blank—can cause massive changes in our behavior, almost instantly.

He was suffering from analysis paralysis, that state in which we overthink things to such a degree that we are completely unable to decide.

Perfectionism may manifest as any of the following: Regular procrastination A need to find the “right” answer before moving forward All-or-nothing thinking Struggles with completing a project because there’s always more we could do A critical eye that homes in on imperfections Replaying what we wished we’d said in our mind following a conversation Frequently second-guessing past decisions

With an experiment, there’s no “do it right or do it again.” Instead, it’s “do it and see what happens.” Or “do it and then do it again,” incorporating whatever you learned the first time.

“The economics of energy are like good investing: spend it wisely and you will get even more of it. Your best investment is regular exercise, which not only protects the cells but also makes them better energy producers.”

I’ve come to embrace a metaphor I first encountered in Gallagher’s book Rapt. She recommends you treat your mind “as you would a private garden and [be] as careful as possible about what you introduce and allow to grow there.” We must learn to tend our own gardens.

When someone runs a red light, I always say, out loud, “Maybe there’s a woman in labor in the back seat.” My kids tease me about this, saying, “Mom, really?” But I don’t care. Telling myself that the driver may be in a hurry for a good reason helps me remain gracious instead of getting angry.

What would I tell my best friend if she were in this situation? When you imagine you’re advising someone else, you automatically see the situation more objectively. What would I like about this if I liked it? or What would I consider to be good here, if I considered this to be good? For example: “If I felt that meeting was a success, what reasons would I give?” or “If I thought that conversation went well, why would I think so?”

“You want my secret?” she asked. “The worst that can happen isn’t that bad. So I just pick something.”

In one of her most popular newspaper columns, Erma Bombeck wrote that if she had her life to live over, she would “have eaten popcorn in the ‘good’ living room” and “have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted in storage.”

These little decisions seem small, and in a way, they are. But the implications are large: one, we wouldn’t mind bringing a little more simple joy into our lives; and two, if we can’t trust ourselves to make the right decision about a four-dollar bouquet, it’s no wonder we’re slow to trust ourselves with the big stuff.