Shades of Blue

by Nadia Dardón

I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just this...thing inside of me, that stops me from a lot of things. I can’t be in big crowds, I can’t talk to new people. I panic every time I have to talk to a stranger, or just socialize at an event. Even the stupidest things trigger me. Having attention on myself, the thought of doing something embarrassing, worrying about what people think of me...It all affects me. My hands go numb, my sight gets all blurry and I start to feel dizzy and I just freak out. And it’s not just that...it is a bunch of things. I can’t exactly say everything that gives me anxiety, or that triggers it...it’s hard to explain. I just get all choked up and panicky with certain things. Maybe there’s a reason behind them, but I cannot tell you for sure. All I know is that I can’t act like a normal human being and sometimes it gets too much to handle.”