The Art of Taking It Easy: How to Cope with Bears, Traffic, and the Rest of Life's Stressors

by Brian King

Bad things happen all the time, but what ultimately makes the difference in our lives is how we deal with those situations.

The simplest description I have ever come across is that stress is our brain’s reaction to a perception of threat.

The traffic was real, but it was your own beliefs, values, and expectations that made the situation into one that you found stressful.

Ultimately overcoming stress and managing its impact on our lives depends on this basic realization: most of our stress is from percieved threats, not clear and present threats.

Learn to assess your stress. Learn to tell the difference between bears and traffic. The first thing we should do when we start to feel agitated or stressed is stop and ask ourselves, “Is this situation actually threatening?” If it is, then Houston, we have a probl—uh I mean, bear!

Remember, stress is not our reaction to threat, it is our reaction to the perception of threat.

And now for the skimmers: When stressed we should ask ourselves, is this an actual threat? If it is an actual threat, then can I do anything about it?

Again, for those readers who are just flipping through pages: We begin responding to stress before we have a chance to think about it. However, we have the ability to overcome our initial response.

Learning how to increase the right kind of prefrontal activity, or thoughts, and being able to consciously redirect choices made by other areas of the brain, is the key to living a less stressful existence.

And that’s the thing about worrying, it does nothing to prevent bad things from happening. Worrying does not affect the outcome of a situation, it doesn’t make adverse events less likely to occur, it just makes our life less great.

If we can’t do anything to change a situation, what is the point of worrying about it?

Worry is one way that the brain can generate its own activity. Yes, worry relieves boredom. And I believe this is why most worrying occurs.

Learning to keep our brain active can help us avoid excessive worrying.

Prolonged exposure to stress can contribute to a wide variety of physical illnesses.

Now, let’s consider why we have emotions in the first place. Emotions influence behavior, specifically by helping us react in a manner that is appropriate for the moment. Think about all the diverse behaviors that a human brain is capable of producing. From playing a piano and dribbling a basketball, to computing mathematics and writing a book, each one of us is capable of a tremendous variety of potential behaviors (albeit, not to the same level of proficiency). Not all of those behaviors are appropriate for the situation we find ourselves in. Emotions help restrict our options so we are more likely to choose a behavior that is right for us. For example, imagine again that we are being attacked by a bear. Whenever I visualize this example, I always imagine that the bear is about thirty yards away, running toward me. In that moment, you don’t want to suddenly feel inspired to write a poem (“Ah, the duality of nature, so beautiful and yet so fierce”). No, you don’t want to do that. You also don’t want to see that bear and think, You know that reminds me, my mother-in-law is visiting this weekend. I should really clean the bathroom. You don’t want to entertain thoughts like that. You definitely don’t want to think, You know, with that bear chasing me this would make a really great selfie. It would be the last selfie you ever took. It seems obvious to us, but without the emotion of fear, your brain might just wander into some inappropriate territory like that. You want your b...

Stress influences our emotions, and in turn our response to stress is influenced by our emotions.

Our stress response should be engaged only when it can help us.

It is never too late to change how we cope with stress.

When we feel rage over an incident, such as road rage, it is important to reframe our thoughts by examining the actual outcome. We need to learn to react to what actually happened, not what could have happened or what we thought was going to happen. When it comes to our own health and safety, there is no benefit to allowing ourselves to be affected by things that did not happen. And for those who skim: In many cases, we become enraged over incidents where nothing serious has actually happened to us (e.g., we may have been cut off in traffic, but there was no car crash). Learn to react to what has happened, not what almost happened or what could have happened.

In order to change our behavior, we need to: Learn to assess our stressful situations to determine if they are actually threatening and if there is something we can do about them. Learn to redirect our brain away from worrisome or negative thoughts. If simply changing our thoughts doesn’t work, then we can change our environment or activity. Repeatedly practice the behavior we want to exhibit.

And now, Gilligan, before we get off this island, how about something for ol’ Skimmer? If we wish to improve our stress management, we should also develop our problem-solving skills. Problem-solving skills can be improved by mastering any challenge that requires strategizing.

And to really help drive the point home: The best way to teach a child how to handle stress is to model resilient behaviors in their presence and try to keep our worry or anger to ourselves. Allow children an opportunity to solve their own problems. Provide assistance and support, but give them a chance to attempt things on their own, and the opportunity to fail.

And for those of you who skipped the jalapeños: The more we experience, the more our brain also learns to solve problems.

Three ways positive thinking can help you become more stress resilient are: Teaching you to become more optimistic. Teaching you to be more appreciative of what you have. Increasing your appreciation of humor.

To summarize this section for the you-know-whos: Verbally expressing positive emotions, such as love or gratitude, to others can make us happier and in turn help us manage stress. Keeping a gratitude journal, specifically listing three things we appreciate about each day, can also make us happier.

Humor is a natural stress-management tool. Reevaluating a situation to make a joke can help reduce negative thinking. The physical act of laughing reduces stress and stress-related physiological conditions.

We have a tendency to focus on negativity; we can reduce this by redirecting our thoughts or putting things into perspective.

Three things we can do in the moment to calm ourselves down: Deep breathing Physical exercise Force a smile

Money, and related issues, are some of the biggest sources of stress. Saving and living with minimal debt can be a tremendous help to alleviating stress.