Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There

by Tara Schuster

It never once occurred to me that the social worker might be able to help me, or that maybe things actually were bad at home. This was just my life: surviving my time in my falling-apart, death-ridden house and evading questions from the authorities at school.

Today, I tell young people who ask for professional advice to be the best at the worst. Take whatever weird little opportunity you have and maximize the fuck out of it. In a best-case scenario, someone cool will notice. In a worst-case scenario, you will notice and feel pride knowing you are doing a good job, even if the task sucks. Simply put: Start where you are without worrying too much about how far you have to go.

quote from Jay-Z to guide me: “Only thing to stop me is me, and I’ma stop when the hook start.” I ardently believe in the first part; I don’t totally know what he means about the hook starting.

Start where you are. Wherever you are. Be the best at the worst.

A journal is not a place to record the daily events of your life. It’s not a place to describe the sushi you had for dinner last night (although, if it’s really good sushi, go ahead and do that). It’s a place where you can get in touch with your core, with what you believe. Some of us have very limiting beliefs but are totally unaware that we’ve set such a low bar for ourselves. Journaling is the gift that gives us a chance to uncover what is true. Because a belief and the truth are two very different things. You might believe you are not capable of having your biggest, glitteriest dreams become reality. But I know that’s not the truth. The truth is that you can heal your past traumas, you can build the life you want for yourself, but you’re going to have to do the work.

there’s something about yourself that you want to change, then the first step is to identify it and then write how your story might play out differently.

Writing Prompts to Jump-Start Your Inner DM Sometimes, getting started journaling seems really daunting. Where does one even begin? You begin exactly where you are, my dear. Here are some prompts to use as jumper cables for your writing. Let’s go! “Today, here is what I feel in my heart…” Keep writing until you’ve emptied out all of the things you are currently feeling. “Today, here are ten things I like about myself…” If this is incredibly difficult to do, you still MUST do it. You must COMPLETE the list. When you complete it, please send it to me. I know how hard it

is to write down what you actually value about yourself, and I’m proud/happy/excited to read what you wrote! “Today, I am grateful for this very small thing that happened yesterday…” Let it be something slight but nice. Did you see some great flowers? Did someone from your past email to say hi? Appreciate a little thing. If you can’t think of something, your homework is to find one little thing to relish later today. Yes, I just assigned you homework. Deal with it. “Dearest Journal, I have a question I have been mulling over in my brain and I thought you might have an answer…” Write down just the question today, and then tomorrow be prepared to be amazed when you can answer it more easily. Your

“journal” (i.e., innermost self) might have answers you don’t. “Here is what I want people to say about me when I’m not around…” How do you want to be known and perceived? This is a useful tool for uncovering the kind of person you are working toward being. What accomplishments would they laud? What characteristics would they love about you? “If nothing else mattered—not money, not other people’s expectations, not kids, not jobs, nothing—my dream day would look like…” Be super specific! What do you DO in your dream day? Do you eat a chocolate croissant looking out over the Seine? Do you run a b...

is the day we are working toward. I wonder, are there little elements of it you can achieve now? Go get a croissant; tell them to add it to my tab. “Today, I set an intention to act with…” Write out how you will carry yourself today. Do you want to work on focusing on one task at a time? Do you feel like you’ve been a little mean to your roommate lately (Why can’t she load the dishwasher correctly?! Is she trying to drive me crazy?!) and so you want to act with more affection (OMG STOP, Tara! Who cares about the dirty dishes! She’s your best friend; she deserves kindness, not you being so ni...

reason. Here goes…” It’s amazing, but most of the time we actually know what we most need to tackle. We just need to commit to it. If you find yourself writing, “I don’t have a boyfriend,” “I don’t have the job I want,” “I don’t have a flat stomach,” write instead about what you DO have. “I have awesome friends,” “I have a candle that makes me happy,” “I have money in the bank and food on my table.” I...