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A’Maril — magic toxicity sickness. A fucking awful way to die. “But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible,” Eomara went on. “Very few things are, actually, when you have a little vision.”
“I’d be careful who you judge, Tisaanah. Maybe one day you’ll stand where I do. You’ll cut away every weakness. You’ll make every sacrifice. And then the world will look at you and sneer at your inhumanity, as if you didn’t just become everything they told you to be.”
“You’re saying that they are trying to create something with Fey magic,” I said. “Fey and human magic melded.
How easy it was, for Caduan to discard the weight of society. Every day, I felt it biting into my skin like chafing ropes, reminding me of exactly what I was and what I could never be. Every second of my life was defined by it. And yet, to Caduan, it was inconsequential.
And my family, they truly believed in it — in the honor of what we had always been. But sometimes, as you get older, you realize… there are things they were wrong about. No matter how good their intentions were.
I still owe you an apology for that.”
love that.
“Perhaps he’s a dreamer,” I said. “A dreamer is a hard thing to be. I fear so now more than ever.” He looked down at the letter, and the disapproval on his face softened. “I only hope that I’m raising him to be strong enough to survive such a world.”
“You could have tried,” she said, “but that world would not have wanted me, Max. And perhaps I would not have wanted it, either.”
Your family is a part of you. Of course you will love them. Of course you will miss them. And… of course you will want to make a better world than they did. You will build upon what they gave you. You will draw from their strengths and confront their mistakes. You will make something better, because that is what you do. You dream, Max.
He said my name like it was an apology and an explanation and a plea, all at once. No one ever said my name like that. No one ever had extended that sort of tenderness to me, and I liked it better that way.
I wasn’t prepared for the wave of panic that realization brought me. My hands clamped to his side, trying to quell the bleeding.
He would wake up. But he didn’t move. “Caduan. Please.” Please. Gods, that word.
The fire moved unnaturally, as if it were alive. Human magic was capable of so much, so harsh and violent. I had never seen it with my own eyes before, and it made a pit coil in my stomach. Fey magic was powerful, but I had never seen it inflict this kind of frenzied violence.
“Tell me why you are doing this,” Caduan demanded, and I had never heard his voice like this before, raw and agonized. “Tell me why you’re killing my people.”
But it was Caduan’s face that jerked me to reality. I wasn’t sure that I had ever seen him look so afraid before. “What’s wrong?” I started to ask. But then I looked down at myself, at the hole in my abdomen, at the blood that now soaked my clothing. I did not remember falling.
Why? I asked. I didn’t understand. Why do you fear the thing you want most? {My fear is not the fear of danger.} Then what? {Perhaps I am too far from what I once was.} Its voice was quiet. Childlike. {Perhaps I do not wish to be found.}
I remember then thinking that you just seemed so desperate.” A small smile. “Desperation does drive people to do dangerous things. What did Aldris promise you? And what did you trade away?” Too much, a voice in the back of my mind whispered. Far too much.
“Then why am I still alive?” I said. “What is it that you want?”
Me, Reshaye, Max, all drawing from the same deep level of magic. And Irene’s, hacking through my mind until she reached it, too.
Irene was now feeding me hers, whether she intended to or not. I grabbed onto Reshaye’s panicking presence, even as it fought me. Trust me! I hissed. I stopped retreating from Irene’s magic. Instead, I reached out for it — her mind. Her presence. Her life. We can use this, I told Reshaye. It understood a moment after I did. Help me. I tightened my grip around Irene’s magic. And then I Wielded it.
Liebs!
You can push through? I asked Reshaye. {Yes,} Reshaye answered. I felt something different in its words — a strange sort of humanity. {But the cost to you would be—} Do it, I commanded.
Tisaanah’s eyes flicked to me, and in them, I saw the same certainty reflected back at me. She didn’t have to say anything. We wouldn’t let it happen. Couldn’t let it happen. I had trained these people. They were under my care. And I wouldn’t, couldn’t, stand by and watch them get slaughtered.
our faces were only inches apart. I could see every shade of green in those eyes, searching and curious. Mathira, the way he looked at me, like I was a question to be answered or a riddle to be solved.
Now, all at once, I understood. He was honest. He was genuine. “I think you will be a great king,” I said, softly. The corner of his mouth lifted in the hint of a smile. “I think you will be a great Teirness,” he murmured, and for the first time it occurred to me that just as I saw the beauty in what others would call flaws, perhaps he saw the same in me.
How does a war end?
The world went quiet. But I could still feel it burning, burning, burning inside of me — my magic, my rage, and Reshaye’s fury. One war had ended. But there was still something I needed to do.
“I am not done.”
We are the children of fallen gods and lost empires. We are the memories of bones in the plains. And we are more than they ever thought we would be.”
!!!
I am victory. I am vengeance. And now, I am nowhere. But soon, I will be with you.
“You told me once that I did not know what love is.” The wrinkle deepened between her brows. Her hand pressed to her chest. “Does love feel like an open wound? Like skin peeled back from flesh. Like a ribcage exposed. Is that what it is? To be… opened?”
“Is love frightening?” Reshaye whispered. I wasn’t sure why I answered. “Yes. It’s terrifying.” “It is a painful thing. To be seen. To be given something to mourn. To be reminded of what has already been lost.”
“You’re fighting harder for them than anyone else ever would. And they turn you over to him? That’s not just cruel. It’s stupid.”
Dumm und idiotisch und ungerechtfertigt und undankbar und rücksichtslos - aber nachvollziehbar . Alles was T ihnen bis jetzt gegeben hat waren leere Versprechen . Die Leute haben in ihrer Hilflosigkeit das einzige gemacht was ihnen möglich war.
“I love you,” I choked out. Love. The word was all I had. Still, it didn’t feel like enough.
“It wasn’t for money, was it? She wanted to turn me over to the Zorokovs. In exchange for her granddaughter.” Serel’s mouth pressed to a thin line. “Yes. Yes, that was her thought.” Of course. Terrible situations leading to terrible ends. Pain begetting more pain.
On the left, there sat a woman with long, smooth hair spilling over her shoulders. It was black, but streaked with grey. She was beautiful, though she had lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth. She wore not a gown, as one might expect for a queen sitting in such a throne, but a long green velvet jacket embroidered with threads of gold, and tight leather breeches with boots that laced up to her knees. A delicate crown of silver sat over her brow. Beside her, a Fey man sat, his hand laid over hers. Unlike hers, his face was smooth and unlined, with fair skin and blond hair, so gold that it
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“King Ezra and Queen Athalena,”
“They will come for us? You have the audacity to come to my kingdom, the very kingdom that your people tried to destroy out of nothing but your hatred and ignorance, and pretend to be concerned for our safety?
I do not know what my word is worth as the King of a nation of nineteen people and a pile of ruin. But I am certain that one day, the House of Stone will rise again. And when it does, if you help us here, I offer you our alliance for life.” He extended his hand across the table, palm up. “Exile be damned, it would be yours.”
This, I knew, was wrong — the intermingling of Fey and human blood was a travesty, only a shade away from beastiality. But this child didn’t look wrong. She looked… normal. Loved.
Combined with the rest of her appearance tonight, that smile made her look as if she could conquer worlds.
This anger is not love. Love is selfless. And I think you knew that, once. I think the part of you that I saw that day at the Mikov estate understood.
“You are right, foolish king,” my voice whispered, my accent gone. Zeryth’s rage gave way to confusion, gave way to pain, gave way to fear. Fear, as he realized that my blade was buried between his ribs. Reshaye caressed his face like a lover. Decay trailed my fingertips, consuming skin, muscle, bone. “You were naive,” I purred.
Less than a second, and I was gone.
“There was blood everywhere. They cut open her wrists. There were two Wielders, a Valtain and a Solarie, and they were doing some spell, something to— to harness her, to turn my sweet child into something—”
“Because my love is stronger than the pain,” I murmured. “Because it’s worth it. Always worth it. And I didn’t have enough time.”
{I do not understand,} it said. {I have never understood any of it. I was always searching. I do not have what you do, or feel what you feel. But I have had time. More of it than I have ever desired.}
{Always, I was searching for something,} it said. {I never knew what. But perhaps I would have found it if I had not been so quick to take time from others.}
Reshaye pulled me closer. Perhaps it smiled. {You promised me death.} A promise I had always intended to fulfill. “Why?” I choked out. “Why did you choose me?” {Choose? Is it a choice, for a warm body to search for shelter from the storm? You are so many pieces.
{Goodbye, Tisaanah.} “Goodbye, Reshaye,” I whispered.
In the same moment, I felt Reshaye release me — felt it throw itself towards the ravenous pit.
