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That’s a Scot for you. They’re overbearing, loud-mouthed, no boundary-having, spirited animals who are sweet, cosy cuddlers one minute and beating the fuck out of someone who looks at them sideways the next.
“I love your freckles!” he barks, splaying one hand out on the counter and using his other hand to bop my nose. “They make me want to play connect the dots on your wee face.”
“You’re bonnie, and you’re my best mate. You should never feel the need to hide.”
You’re my wee treasure, and I’m right proud of you.”
“You are a proper pain in my arse, Mac. Do you know that?” He beams happily. “It’s a good thing you have a great arse then.”
“I could say you’re a beaut of a lass tonight, and I wonder what it would be like to shag you senseless, and it would have absolutely no effect on your ears.”
“I feel like I could shit out three kittens right now.”
“That’s the fourth fight we’ve been in this week. I must be trying to break my record.”
Okay then! Drinking gets you high fives. I’m rocking at this Never Have I Ever game!
At this point, I feel like I’m drinking, not for things I have done, obviously, but for things I’d like to do. Feels a bit more honest if I think about it that way. And since I actually know what a threesome is, perhaps I’d fancy one! I take a drink. “Never have I ever done anal.” Fuck me, I know what that one is. I drink. “Never have I ever sixty-nined.” More drinking, yay! “Never have I ever done it with a boss.” Drink. “Never have I ever masturbated in public.” Drink, drink, drink.
Pity I didn’t have sex ages ago! And done anal and a dirty Sanchez…whatever that is.
“Freya, do you even know what a dirty Sanchez is?”
“It’s when you have The Sex on a dirty tribal blanket.”
“A dirty Sanchez is when a lad sticks his finger up the bum of a lass, then wipes it across her upper lip.”
“In case you didn’t realise tonight, I’m a little inexperienced with The Sex.” “You really have to stop calling it The Sex.”
“I want to die from embarrassment because that entire party thinks I’ve done a dirty Sanchez.”
“You don’t want to be around when I take off my Spanx. I’ll look like a cast member of Cirque du Soleil, or possibly a crime scene.”
“I’m chubby. We’re resilient when we need to be.”
“Oh, good God, I just bowed to Javier.” Mac’s nose scrunches. “I saw that.” “Why the fuck did I bow? Why couldn’t I have at least curtsied like a lady?
“Freya Cook, tell me right now. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” I ask, anger coursing through me at the thought of that bawbag hurting my Freya.
Kissing shouldn’t be safe. It’s an animalistic act. It’s connecting on a fundamental level that humans should embrace with their base instincts, not their minds.
I leap off the bed and run my hand through my hair. Old lady in a garden. Picture an old lady all sweaty in a garden, Maclay.
“Why are you talking about cheese? Go back to the tasting me thing.” “You can taste his cheese but not mine?”
“You know what they say, ‘A beard that rocks the red is a beard that rocks in bed’.”
I roll my eyes and try to ignore his delicious scent being wafted all over me like a sexy skunk spray. Are sexy skunk sprays a thing?
“The man who once referred to his dick as the Loch Ness monster is suddenly doing something nice?” I can’t help but smirk down at her. “Aye, lucky for you, tonight you’ll find out if the legends are true.”
“Is this how you’re making tonight special? By talking about my taters at the dinner table?” My brow quirks. “Did you just call your breasts taters?”
Fucks me…with his mouth.
Jesus, did my breasts grow? Do breasts get bigger when you’re aroused?
God, Freya. Vaginal region? If you said that out loud, Mac wouldn’t be able to stop laughing long enough to take your maiden tag.
Good God, he’s really getting in there!
is he making out with my vagina? This is so not Canadian cowboy of him.
“Come for me, treasure. Let go for me. Let me feel you all around me.”
I wake the next morning to a rough tongue touching my nipple. A smile spreads across my face as I open my eyes and expect to find Freya. My face falls when I see it’s her fucking demon of a cat laving at my pec like it’s going to produce milk at any moment.
don’t need to ever sixty-nine, Freya. Sixty-nine is something teens do when they’re trying to hurry and get everything in before their mum and dad get home.”
Because if we go any longer, I’ll become addicted to the taste of you.
“Aye, you won’t need a man by your side when you have your Loch Ness Monster Sex Steed walking you down the aisle.” Freya’s nose wrinkles as she moves to stand up. “Nope…can’t do it. Deal’s off.”
“I’m going to suck your penis,” I reply simply, tipping my head back so my hair gets wet. “Any tips?”
Maybe semen is like an anti-aging cream no one talks about?
“I’m picking you up from work.” “Why?” He shrugs again. “If I’m being completely honest, it’s probably because we shagged last night and you sucked my cock like a champion this morning.”
“I can act completely normal around you. Just look at me now, walking around a store and not shouting at the top of my lungs that my cocker has been inside you in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Are you going to have trouble keeping your hands off of me? I’m sure now that you’ve tasted the Loch Ness monster yourself, it’s going to be nearly impossible for you to control your urges.”
“You’re going to have to stop being mean to me, Freya, or I’m going to fall in love with you.”
I’ve always liked a woman who’s not rail thin. I’m a big bloke, and I want my hands full when I reach out to grab something that’s mine.
“Freya, I’m Scottish. I was born with a stiffy.”
“Pardon me for not realising you wanted to rub your balls all over the lucky and legendary Clan Logan tartan,”
“Enough people have seen my cock and balls today, thank you very much,”
“What do you want to talk about?” He sighs heavily. “Remind me what your boobies look like. It’s been hours, and I’ve forgotten already.”
“You called me an idiot. I told you mean girls are my thing.”
“You better go down there and inspect it. Our next lesson can involve a bit of naughty nurse role-playing.”
