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rehearsing for the horizontal ugly dance,
I bent backward, Matrix-style, before straightening back up and punching him in the face.
I slapped him across the face. Not punched. Slapped. Because I knew how to piss people off, and angry people made mistakes.
a drink mostly consisting of turpentine and artificial flavoring. Other bars made a fruity drink high in alcohol that the tourists loved. Not this bar. They tried to peel the eyebrows off your face.
His tongue wandered out of his mouth until it bumped off the straw in his drink. He corralled the straw between his open lips before taking a sip like a giraffe eats leaves, grossly floppy.
A cock-eyed, drunken smile slid up half his face. The other half was probably numb from the alcohol.
Criminals were rarely very bright.
Ignoring their intimidation tactics. Bullies hated that.
“I am supposed to kill you, right? We aren’t getting ready for a thumb war?”
“And that is why the human form is so useful. Communication.”
“My eyebrows melted off from the warm welcomes you guys gave me.”
“Your smell is abnormal.” “Wow. You’re a real lady-killer, huh? Mr. Charming.”
“And you’re an asshole. Now that we’ve pointed out each other’s flaws, can we move on?”
“Good gracious. How does the weight of that ego not crush your spine?”
“That’s not going to happen.” “It’s settled, then.” He stalked toward me with an outstretched hand. “You have a listening problem.” I hid my hand behind my back so he couldn’t grab and shake it.
“We are wasting time. Tell me what allows you to see in the dark.” “We’re wasting time because you’re a narcissist and only think your questions matter, is that it?” “Yes. Tell me.”
His exhale would’ve fluttered my bangs if I’d had any.
“So, back to you, something I know you love talking about.
“Only turtles would be jealous of your speed.”
Shock, fear, and—most importantly—reality bitch-slapped me.
Look, dude, I will literally take out my gun and shoot you in the heart right now. Okay? I’m saying no. No means I’ll kill you if you don’t stop stalking me like a feral cat trying to make kittens. Back off.”
Clearly I wasn’t dealing with the brightest bulbs in the ceiling.
“They became vampires, and you think they have sense?”
I grimaced, but refrained from mentioning that the flowers weren’t alive, not anymore. In essence, he was surrounding himself with fresh death.
She got a thumbs-up, too. I was passing them out like business cards.
“You’re tap-dancing on the line, bro.”
Or maybe you trick yourself into thinking we are solitary beings so that when you prey on a lone vampire, you can still call yourself mighty?”
“Inappropriate sexually explicit verbal advances, at that. That’s a mouthful of awful, is what that is.”
she is frightened and displaying signs of guilt. She is not at her best. I am merely shepherding her.”
he was playing a strange sort of bad cop. Or a good cop on ecstasy.
Crime watch was exactly that in this neighborhood—people watching the crime take place.
“Nope, meaning you actually did something, or that you stayed silently angry?”
I wrinkled my nose. I didn’t like knowing the pet names of married people.
“No one, not a teen, a twenty-something, an old lady, or an old man, for that matter, should wear pink velvet sweats with ‘Juicy’ written on the ass. There is no age where that looks good.”
“I’ll send a gossipy note to a friend
I stalked into the Magical Law Enforcement office with my usual snarl. There’d be no sense in confusing people with a pleasant attitude,
Stop with the whispering and the smell and the handsome.
