Over time, I developed a strange and unhealthy comfort with feelings of shame in my physical body. It didn’t take long for this to deepen into a comfort with feelings of actual disgust and hatred for my physical body. The more I hated my body and all of Her sensations and emotions, and the more uncomfortable or even disgusted my own body made me feel, the closer I was to ridding myself of my curse of sin; and the closer I was to the safety of being chosen by a man looking for a godly and pure wife. Hating myself was the ticket in; punishing my own body for what She wanted was the only way to
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