I let god be the reason why I said no to things that brought me pleasure, because if I were to love any part of my life or even my own body more than I loved that god, that god would punish me or worse—leave me. Because whoever loves their own life loses it, and self-esteem is evil; you must have god-esteem. I let that god be the promised reward for my hatred of my own physical body. After all, the less I clung to myself and my own needs, the more he would be glorified. He must increase, I must decrease; and decrease I did.
