Dawn Caravan (Elemental Legacy, #4)

by Elizabeth Hunter

Like his hunger, sex felt like a weakness. He’d never been a man led around by his dick, and immortality wasn’t the time to start.

Like his hunger, sex felt like a weakness. He’d never been a man led around by his dick, and immortality wasn’t the time to start.

“Keep the heid.” Gavin finally smiled. “Yer a powerful little bastard, aren’t ye?”

“All things have roots and branches. Every being has their end and their beginning.”

You will have to find peace with your end before you can grow into your beginning.”

“Then I’m telling you—for yer own fucking health—to get over yer attitude and call yer damn partner.”

She wanted to hold him. Wanted to comfort him. Wanted to whisper in his ear that nothing could make him the monster he feared he’d become. He might be a little less shiny, but he was still her golden boy. He was still the light to her darkness; the only one she’d found in thousands of years.

“It means that you expect too damn much of her.” Gavin’s jaw was clenched. “She’s not a fucking god, Ben. She’s a vampire, but she’s human too. You’re too fucking close to see it, and it’s not bloody fair. She did the only thing she could think to do when someone she loved was dying. How do you not fucking see that?”

“Am I ever not going to be angry about this, Brig?” “About…?” “Being a vampire. Missing the sun. Missing food. Having to drink human blood to survive.” “Ah.” She closed a door. “Short answer? Yes. I have every confidence you will eventually not be angry about this.”

“It can be both, by the way. You can hate someone you love.”

The Ben he would become? He was still working on that.

Of all the things his uncle, his aunt, his sire, and fifteen years of life with vampires had prepared him for, none of them terrified him more than the prospect of singing in front of a room full of judgmental and murderous strangers.

“It means that you are not me. And you haven’t had to do that. I would never have let him take you unless I knew he had evolved. I wouldn’t have allowed it.”

Seeing Ben afraid had broken something in Tenzin. His fear broke open a rage she had not felt in thousands of years. That rage had burned her from the inside out, hollowing her out until something new was forced to grow.

She’d pledged fidelity to a sire she hated in order to save the life of the one human who had never seen her as a weapon or a goddess. He had only seen her.

Chloe kept stroking her hair. “You’re petting me like your cat.” “I know. I really miss Pete. I kind of wish we’d brought him with us.” “Glad I could help.”

“I’m saying that if it hadn’t been her who had to make the decision, you’d already be at peace with it. You’re angry because you don’t want to admit this is who you were meant to be.”

“Because we both lost important things that night. You lost your human life, and I lost the one human who truly saw me and wasn’t afraid.”

I miss you. You’re the other half of me. You broke my heart, and I don’t know how to forgive you.

“Oh, my lovely Tenzin.” Nima’s hand cupped Tenzin’s cheek, and her thumb brushed over her skin with a featherlight touch. “I was angry and I was wrong. You are the most human of them all, for you have known weakness. If you remember, it will only make you stronger.”

“You offered your love to me, then you demanded that I watch you die.”

She was gone. He knew it like he knew blood would sate his thirst. He knew it like he knew the wind would hold him if he jumped off a building. Tenzin was gone and his amnis ached.

She was insane. And adorable. And he’d missed her like crazy, even after only a few days apart. Seeing her in Bucharest had been like an alcoholic getting a sip of whiskey when he wanted to down the whole bottle.

“Yes. I can’t promise you it’s going to work out the way you want it to, but—” “I don’t really care— No, that’s a lie. I want our happy family back in New York. I want my friends back. I want both of you to be happy. But I’m a big girl and I realize I don’t always get what I want.” She picked up a pen. “What do you need?” He stared at her, the girl who’d been his first friend in high school, his first girlfriend, his first love, and then one of his best friends. “Chloe?” “What?” She looked tired. “I’m sorry we put you in the middle of our shit. I really love you and appreciate everything you do.”

“Those of us who have been wounded cling to what gives us light or peace. Even if it’s not the right thing. Even if it hurts. Because the other option is not an option.”

He wanted Tenzin. He wanted to grab her, drag her to his trailer, take her blood, and bind her to him so thoroughly that when he breathed in, she breathed out.

“Then find another language to tell me how you feel,” he said. “You find the right words to tell me, and I will learn the language.”

Tenzin smelled like dust and sunset and cardamom tea. She smelled like sexual desire and a little bit of kerosene.

“So you lost one choice and gained a thousand others.

Chloe was right. Tatyana was right. And Ben was a stubborn idiot.

He would meet new friends, extraordinary people who hadn’t even been born yet. He would explore all the places he’d ever dreamed and others he didn’t have the imagination to conceive of. He would watch Sadia grow up, and he’d see the world change and evolve before his eyes. And he’d see all of it in a darkness that wasn’t so dark anymore.

“I think becoming a vampire forced me to deal with the things I’d been avoiding in my human life. Because when you only have seventy or eighty years to live, you can put off looking at a lot of things too closely. You can fill your life with this and that, stay nice and busy, and if you really try, you can pretend you’re happy with that.”

He finally looked her in the eye, and any hint of humor was gone. “Do you think there’s anything I wouldn’t have done to get you back? Do you think there is a line I wouldn’t have crossed? I know why you did it. Don’t ever explain yourself again.”

One day you will be infinite.

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips. “I never stopped loving you, not even when I hated you.” “I know.” She gripped his hair and pressed her cheek to his, whispering in his ear. “I did not want to know what the world would be like without you.” She turned her head and kissed the arch of his cheekbone. “I did not want to know what I would be like without you.”

He kissed her quickly. “I’ll be inconspicuous.” “Not with that amnis,” she muttered. “We’re going to have some lessons on moderating that.” “Are you saying I’m loud and flashy?” “Like Giovanni wearing a cowboy hat.” He grinned. “I would be insulted, but you’re cute when you’re irritated.” She flicked her hand toward the camp. “Go. Try not to shout. If you’re gone more than an hour, I’m coming after you and I’ll probably destroy everything.” He snorted. “You say the sweetest things.”

“You tried to kill Tenzin.” Ben rose and flew toward Vano. He flung the Hazar away from the vampire with a sweep of his arm; then he grabbed Vano by the throat. For the first time since he’d turned, Ben gave in to the rage and the power that simmered just below the surface of his tightly controlled exterior.

“No,” she said firmly. “Love—real love—is always a choice.” She kissed the center of his chest. “Baina min khar. Sha bol min yash.”

He looked at Tenzin. “And five hundred years after he failed, a street child picked my pocket and became the man I could never be.” “He made himself,” Tenzin said. “But you made that easier.”