Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Busy Moms

by Kate Northrup

The lived experience of finding my body right, no matter what she was experiencing on any given day, was one of the most healing transformations I’ve ever had the pleasure of undergoing.

Follicular/waxing crescent: Planning, brainstorming, and new beginnings Ovulation/full moon: Communicating, collaborating, attracting, being out there Luteal/waning crescent: Focus, details, finishing projects, putting in the work Menstrual/new moon: Rest, reflection, and evaluation

what I’ve found really helps me focus on what really matters is reverse engineering my life based on what matters to me most.

The awareness of what matters to you will begin to create seismic shifts in your life without you having to do much else.

Our bodies are sending us signals all the time. They come via our energy levels, via how well we’re sleeping, via what’s going on with our cycle, with our immune system, with our digestion, with our skin, and more.

We have a choice: listen when we get the signal the first time or ignore it until it gets louder, usually in the form of an illness we can no longer ignore because it’s completely knocked us out.

How can we teach our daughters how to care for themselves, keep themselves safe, and tap into their power if we’re spending every day ignoring our bodies’ yeses and nos?

The key here is to keep listening, every day, so that your body knows that you’re actually available. When she really feels that you’re available to hear what she has to share with you, she’ll start giving you more information because she feels safe and heard.

For me, a yes feels like an expansion. It feels like I get more space inside my body. A no feels like a contraction and like the inside of my body is getting darker and more compact.

What parts of mothering give you 80 percent of the results (a feeling of connection with your kids, a peaceful home environment, a feeling of satisfaction in how you’re showing up as a mother, just as a few examples)?

The first step of this Do Less Experiment is to identify your vital few, or your 20 percent, which you can use the previous exercise to do. The next step is ongoing, and that’s to start to spend more and more of your time on your vital few and less and less of your time on the things that don’t fall into that category.

Knowing when you need help, asking for it, and receiving it fully when it comes requires vulnerability.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

Leaning into your femininity does not mean being weak. Being feminine does not mean giving your power away. Being open to receiving support doesn’t make you any less strong.

I’m honest, I think part of the reason we waited so long to receive the kind of help we needed was because we thrived on the adrenaline caused by scrambling and doing everything ourselves.

Getting help is not just for you. It’s for the people around you too. Some signs you need help are:

Experiencing any kind of physical stress.

Getting irritable or resentful.

Not fitting your nonnegotiables into your life.

Getting cranky.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Not having time to do the things that are most important to you.

Every day, your mantra is “I am allowing this day to be easy” and then you ask yourself the following questions: What can I do to make this day easier? What can I allow in this moment to make this day easier? What can I let go of?

If you have trouble accepting that your needs are worthy of being met, you’ll have trouble attracting help and certainly trouble receiving it when it shows up.

How did your mother express her needs? Was it directly, passive-aggressively, or not at all? How did you witness her getting her needs met? Through direct, kind communication, through having breakdowns, through manipulation, or some other way? What happened in your family growing up when you asked for a need to be met or you asked for help? What kind of response did you get?

Close your eyes and tune in to your little girl at whatever age you remember painful instances around getting your needs met. Tell her that she’s safe, and you can take it from here as a grown-up. Sometimes, this can be all you need to do to make a shift and allow your adult self to run your life instead of your child self.

Another great way to expand your capacity to receive is to fully accept compliments.

Does this need to be done? Does this need to be done by me? Does this need to be done right now?

Your needs are worthy. You are worthy of having needs. You no longer need to prove your value through doing everything. You are valuable even when you get help—especially when you get help, because it means you see your worth beyond your ability to do all the things.

A woman who knows her worth knows that it’s not based on doing. It’s based on being.

Putting our attention on what we want rather than what we don’t want is not only incredibly powerful from a manifesting and law of attraction standpoint, it’s also incredibly powerful when making requests of others in our lives.

The answer is to strip back what’s not adding to our satisfaction and joy so we’re left with the simple basics of what really matters.

How do I actually simplify my life so that I feel more satisfied and less tired?

The other thing that can stop overcomplicating things in its tracks is meditation.

Can you pinpoint what exactly it is about that aspect of your life that’s complicated? What’s one thing you could do to simplify it?

Follicular/waxing crescent: Starting things, brainstorming, planning Ovulation/full moon: Connecting, getting out there, collaboration, communication Luteal/waning crescent: Detail-oriented work, bringing projects to completion, tying up loose ends Menstrual/new moon: Rest, evaluation, and research

The only true way to slow down time is to fully inhabit the present moment.

Time bending is partially about creating more of those moments so that your life fills you up instead of leaving you empty.

There’s so much overlap between the way we relate to money and the way we relate to time.

Do you find yourself talking about time running out a lot? About not having enough time? About wishing there were more hours in the day? Do you rush all the time? Do you feel like you’re a slave to time? These are all indications that you’re living in time poverty. It’s time to switch into time prosperity.

First off, simply notice what you think about time and what you say about time, especially around your kids.

When you stop affirming a lack of time, you’ll stop experiencing a lack of time.

A really great mantra that I like to use when I’m feeling rushed or like I don’t have enough time is: I am the source of time.

So, counterintuitively, rushing tends to take me more time than if I go about what I need to calmly and as though I have enough time.

When I find myself getting into that fried place where my ego thinks that rushing around is going to save time, I remind myself that I am, in fact, the source of time, and that the more calmly I go about things, the more time I have. Affirming that we are the source of time makes it so.

When we believe we don’t have enough time, we rush and see the whole world through the lens of lack.

Whether you think you have enough time or not, either way, you’re right.

The ingenious thing about being present is that it’s a total shortcut to doing less. When we’re really present, we aren’t so obsessed with needing to do more.

When you decide to become a time bender, you decide to be in control of your time rather than your time controlling you.

Over a year ago, I started writing a weekly to-do list instead of a daily one.