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February 29 - May 23, 2024
Furthermore, you must not intervene in other people’s tasks, and you must not allow others to intervene in your tasks either.
YOUTH: Yes, I remember them. There are two objectives for behavior: To be self-reliant To live in harmony with society And there are two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors: The consciousness that I have the ability The consciousness that people are my comrades
Yes. Because at the root of it is “respect for people.” One’s respect is not limited to specific others, but extends to other people of all kinds, from family and friends, to unknown passersby, and even to people in other countries whom one will never meet as long as one lives.
PHILOSOPHER: Yes. One sees “that person,” who is irreplaceable and utterly unique in the world, just as they are. Moreover, Fromm adds, “Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as [they are].”
PHILOSOPHER: Not trying to change or manipulate the other person who is right there in front of you. Accepting that person as they are without setting any conditions.
In the attitude of trying to manipulate or correct another person, there is no respect whatsoever.
None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to.
Adler proposes the following: First of all, think, What if I had the same kind of heart and life as this person? If one does that, one should be able to understand that I would probably be faced with the same sort of task as this person. And from that point, one should be able to imagine further, that I would probably deal with it in the same sort of way.
However, precisely because they are human beings, one must pay them the highest level of respect. One does not look down at them, and neither does one look up at them or flatter them. One interacts with them as equals and has empathy for their interests and concerns.
PHILOSOPHER: That’s right. By practicing it yourself, you will show them what it means to have respect. Teach them how to build the kind of respect that is the cornerstone of all interpersonal relationships, and show them what a respect-based relationship can be. As Adler tells us, “Cowardice is contagious. And courage is contagious too.” Naturally, respect also becomes contagious.
Because human beings are not driven by past “causes” but live according to present “goals.”
The truth is that the person has the goal of “I don’t want to get hurt by getting involved with other people,” and in order to realize that goal, they choose a “dark personality” that doesn’t get involved with anyone.
PHILOSOPHER: To put it more bluntly, in order to justify a “myself now” that is far from ideal, you are painting your entire past the same shade of gray. You are trying to think of it as “that school’s fault” or “because of that teacher.” And then you are trying to live in possibility: “If it had been the ideal school and I’d met the ideal teacher, I never would have ended up this way.”
the essence of happiness is the “feeling of contribution.”
If you doubt that, then you do not have enough respect for them yet. If you have real respect for them, then you should be able to let them decide everything on their own.
No, I am not. I am saying to have regard for the children’s decisions, and to help them in those decisions. And to convey to them that you are always ready to help them, and to watch over them at a distance from which you can help them that is not too close. Should those decisions end in failure, the children will learn from you the truth that “one can choose one’s own life.”
The person who is capable of feeling truly happy only upon being praised will seek to get praised more until the very last moment of their life. Such a person, having been left in a position of dependence, will lead a life of ceaseless seeking, a life without fulfillment.
Now. There is something we need to recall again, at this point. The statement: “Counseling is reeducation for self-reliance, and the counselor is an educator.” And further, the definition: “The educator is a counselor.” Adler, who was both a counselor and an educator, would interact with each client as a friend. So, you too should interact with each of your students as a friend. Because you, too, are an educator and a counselor.
Or there’s a person whose personality you don’t like, but he’s someone you do business with, so you maintain and promote the relationship.
This is truly a relationship of “trust” that is formed as a result of the vested interest that is your work.
Clearly, friendship is a relationship of “confidence.”
Work is a means of production for staying alive in our earth’s harsh natural environments.
task quite directly linked to survival.
“The answer that is logical and in accord with common sense is that we should work, cooperate, and contribute.”
Regardless of moral right and wrong, we have no choice but to work, and no choice but to engage in the division of labor. We have no choice but to build relationships with others.
In order to win a match, they have no choice but to cooperate regardless of their individual likes and dislikes.
Ability is given precedence over good relations.
I see—so it’s not just working together, it’s everyone being in charge of their own field of expertise.
And so, it is only upon having pursued self-interestedness that one finds “contribution to others.”
Our community has all manner of work available, and the presence of people there who engage in each kind of work is crucial. That diversity itself is abundance. If the work is one that has no value, it will not be needed by anyone, and will be done away with. If it has not been done away with and is still surviving, it must possess some value.
Why respect? What is it? Here, we must recall the words of Erich Fromm. Namely, that respect is “the ability to see a person as [they are],” and “the placing of worth on that person being that person.”
One has regard for “that person” as they are, without imposing one’s own system of values. The reason one can do such a thing is that one is accepting and believing that person unconditionally. In other words, one is having confidence in them.
Because the relationship is based on accepting each other’s strengths and shortcomings.
Believing is not just swallowing everything one hears, hook, line, and sinker. One is skeptical with regard to that person’s thoughts and beliefs, and to the statements he makes.
Real confidence is in all respects an active approach.
For example, I would like as many people as possible to learn of Adler’s ideas. I hope to present Adler’s words. However, this wish is not something that can be realized through my labor alone. It is something that forms upon there being a “will to listen” on the part of the person who receives my words, and on the part of the person who listens deeply to them. Then, in what way can I get someone to receive and listen deeply to my words? I cannot force them and say, “Believe in me.” That person is free to believe or not to believe. The
only thing I can do is believe in the other party to whom I am speaking. That is all.
You want me to believe in you, so you believe in me first …
All conflicts, from a small quarrel to a war between nations, arise as a result of collisions of “my justice.” “Justice” is something that takes on all manner of forms depending on the era, the environment, or individual standpoints, and no matter where one may go, there is never only one justice, or one solution. It would seem that it is dangerous to overestimate “rightness.”
Within that, we are looking to find common ground. We are looking for a connection with other people. We are hoping to join hands. … If you want to join hands with others, you have to reach out with your hands too.
I believe in you, whether you believe in me or not. I keep on believing. That is the meaning of “unconditional.”
That’s right. He is saying not just to love one’s neighbor, but to love them as much as one loves oneself. If one cannot love oneself, one cannot love others. If one cannot believe in oneself, one cannot believe in others. Please think of the phrase as carrying that connotation. You are insisting that you “cannot believe in other people,” but that is because you have not managed to truly believe in yourself.
you’re saying that because I “hate myself,” I look only at myself!?
You have not yet learned to like yourself. As a result, you cannot believe in others, you cannot believe in your students, and you are unable to embark on friend relationships. That is exactly why you are now trying to gain a sense of belonging through your work. You are trying to prove your worth by being successful in your work.
As a result of that, you will never be able to get out of the vortex of competition, and never gain a true sense of belonging.
One has confidence in other people, and one embarks on friend relationships. That is the only way. We cannot gain happiness solely by dedicating ourselves to our work.
It is a given that it is not possible to know everything that the other party is thinking. One believes in another person as an “unknowable being.” That is confidence. We humans are beings who cannot know each other, and that is exactly why believing is the only way.
His principle was “not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.”
Instead of doing something for world peace, just have confidence in the person in front of you.
For us, it is our “nothing days” that are our trial, and it is in everyday life “here and now” that the big decisions must be made. People who manage to get by and avoid those trials are unlikely to ever attain real happiness.
