More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
November 14 - November 20, 2021
“Counseling is reeducation for self-reliance, and the counselor is an educator.”
“The educator is a counselor.”
three “life tasks” of work, friendship, and love.
Loneliness cannot arise if one is truly alone.
loneliness exists only within relationships.
all the problems that people have are interpersonal relationship problems.
all the joy of humanity comes from interpersonal relationships too.
“All problems are interpersonal relationship problems,” there lies this definition of happiness: “All joy is interpersonal relationship joy.”
“In friendship, we see with the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another.”
community feeling as a feeling that resides within all people.
person who does not embark on friendship can never hope to find a place to be within the community.
“trust” is believing in the other party with conditions.
“confidence.” Instead of believing in the “conditions” of that person, one believes in “that person.” You could even say that one focuses not on material worth, but on human worth.
believe in “oneself who believes in that person.”
the difference between work and friendship is “Is it trust or is it confidence?”
Work relationships are relationships of “trust,” and friend relationships are relationships of “confidence.”
Work relationships are condition-based relationships that involve either some vested interest, or external factors—cooperating
in friendship, there is no “reason to befriend this person.” It is not a vested interest, and neither is it a relationship that is compelled by external factors.
intrinsic motivation that “I like this person.”
one is believing in “that person,” not in the “conditions” of that person. Clearly, friendship is a ...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Humans discovered the revolutionary way of working called “division of labor.” Division of labor is the incomparable survival strategy that the human race acquired in order to compensate for its physical inferiority.
relationship, not of cooperating because one likes that person, but of having to cooperate whether one likes it or not. You can think of it that way.
Division of labor is necessary for living, and mutual trust is necessary in order to carry it out. And there is no alternative. We cannot live alone, and not trusting is not an option. We have no choice but to build relationships.
the aim to contribute to others is a grand compass of life, a guiding star.
Viewed from the standpoint of the division of labor, all professions are honorable.
“A person’s worth is decided by the way in which they fulfill their role in assigning the division of labor in their community.”
respect is “the ability to see a person as [they are],” and “the placing of worth on that person being that person.”
One has regard for “that person” as they are, without imposing one’s own system of values. The reason one can do such a thing is that one is accepting and believing that person unconditionally. In other words, one is having confidence in them.
If we were to live only with our real faces and our true feelings, we would hurt too many people.
We are looking for a connection with other people. We are hoping to join hands. … If you want to join hands with others, you have to reach out with your hands too.
Mother Teresa, on being asked, “What can one do to promote world peace?” gave the following reply: “Go home and love your family.” It is the same with Adler’s community feeling.
If one does not have enough saved up, one cannot engage in giving.
Love Is Not Something One “Falls” Into
The moment of falling for someone is almost entirely the result of the action of the subconscious. So, no matter what, it is a bit of a stretch to explain it using logical language.
From an Art of Being Loved toward an Art of Loving
Erich Fromm as well. He even published a book by the same name, The Art of Loving,
Happiness. They accomplish a happy life.
We all wish to be happy. We live in the pursuit of a happier life.
Happiness is the feeling of contribution.”
As Adler puts it, for all of us, it is only when we can feel “I am of use to someone” that we can have a true awareness that we have worth. We can have a true awareness of our worth and gain the sense of belonging, that “it’s okay to be here.”
In other words, it is by pursuing “my happiness” that we build division-of-labor relationships, and by pursuing “your happiness” that we build friend relationships.
Rather than the self-interested seeking of “my happiness” or the other-interested wishing for “your happiness,” love is the building of a happiness of an inseparable “us.”
When one knows real love, however, the subject of life changes from “me” to “us.”
“While one is consciously afraid of not being loved, the real, though usually unconscious fear is that of loving.”
“To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.”
“Loving someone is not simply an intense emotion. It is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.”
Love and marriage are indeed akin to the dance that two people make together.
The person who lives wanting an easy life or looking for the easy way may find fleeting pleasures, but they will not be able to grasp real happiness. It is only by loving another person that we are liberated from self-centeredness. It is only by loving another person that we can achieve self-reliance. And it is only by loving another person that we arrive at community feeling.
If I have the “courage to be happy,” I will be able to love someone, and I will re-choose my life. I’ll achieve true self-reliance.
“live earnestly here and now.”
