More on this book
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“Wait, are you asking me to be celibate? For a year?” “Not necessarily. But I need you to understand, there’s nowhere to run. You’ll see the same people every day, so if you sleep around someone is bound to become jealous and ruin the station dynamics.
Ash looked up and the woman was smiling knowingly, perhaps even a little cocky. She most likely took Ash’s stare as interest which it most definitely wasn’t. Not sexual interest, anyway. That wasn’t something Ash experienced, but she couldn’t say that to a stranger.
Where the fanfic world offered her countless opportunities to read about lesbian relationships, they rarely included her experiences as a demisexual lesbian.
Proper library etiquette? What the hell? Do I look like I don’t go to libraries or something? I thought this place was supposed to be a fresh start. The irony was that Phoenix had spent significant time at libraries growing up.
Women were turning out to be a bigger challenge than Phoenix expected. From Skye, who couldn’t pass up an opportunity to flirt, to Ashley who wanted nothing to do with her, Phoenix wasn’t sure what to do.
It was funny. On her own, Ash had no issues with her sexuality. She was quite happy living her life, finishing her degree, and writing fanfic. She didn’t worry about getting laid or meeting people, though she had to admit it would be nice to have someone to share her life with. Someone to come home to and cuddle with at night. Someone to love.
Why was she not enough on her own? Why was sex more important than who she was as a person?
Phoenix angled her head, reminding Ash of a confused puppy. “Disproportionately rude? Does that mean there was an appropriate level of rudeness you’d find acceptable?”
It was so strange only having internet for about half the day. Never in her life had she experienced so little internet. She’d heard stories from her parents about growing up without it, but they might as well have been speaking of the dark ages as far as she was concerned.
I'm so old
Ash led Phoenix to the end of the table, a lit candle and a plate of dinner rolls front and center. It’s not a date, it’s just a special candlelit dinner that Phoenix made partially for me. Crap, this sounds like a date. Ash’s nervousness ticked up, unsure what was happening between them, if anything. Thankfully she had the perfect distraction – a heaping plate of food.
She surprised me a lot today, maybe she’ll surprise me again and be that unicorn who just gets it and doesn’t make it a big deal?
“Land Shark,” Phoenix called through the door, mimicking the classic Saturday Night Live sketch.
“I bet I could find a shark costume in the arts and crafts area. Or make one. I can’t be the only person who’d want a shark costume.” “Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you,”
“Of all the responses I’ve heard, and expected, ‘huh’ has never been one of them.” Ash smiled at her, unsure if she’d ever know what to expect from Phoenix.
Ash added, feeling herself lean towards Phoenix. She hesitated for half a breath before stepping forward and wrapping Phoenix into a hug. “I can’t express what it means to me.” Phoenix gave her a squeeze and Ash forgot why she’d avoided embracing Phoenix. Their height difference meant Ash’s head landed near Phoenix’s shoulder, allowing her to feel more than hear Phoenix’s chuckle. “If I knew you gave out hugs in exchange for not pissing you off, I might have tried harder before.”
“The lightest touch can be more intimate than sex, if you’re open to it,” Ashley added shyly. I wouldn’t know, Phoenix admitted to herself.
“How is it that everyone assumes that fanfic is autobiographical fantasy, except you?” Phoenix looked even more confused and Ash silently cursed herself for making this such a big deal.
She was waiting for Ash who rushed in at the end of dinner service. Phoenix instantly brightened.
“Does that mean you didn’t feel anything?” Ash asked shakily. Phoenix looked at her fully now, her face filled with emotion. “The problem is I felt too much.” Ash furrowed her brows. “I don’t understand.” “I don’t either. Until tonight, I’d been successfully avoiding my feelings for you. So, when you kissed me, I thought it was a friendly New Year’s kiss. Until it wasn’t.”
Well you can start by getting this ‘I’m not good enough’ crap out of your head.
“I’m used to disappointing people, so welcome to the club.” Ash tensed her fists, the frustration rising to a peak. “Dammit Phoenix, that’s what I’m frustrated about. Just stop putting yourself down for five minutes, please?”
“Why did you shut down on me back on the ice?” “You mean when you scolded me like a child?” “I didn’t—”
