Without You (Without You Duet Book 1)

by Marley Valentine

With every salty drop of emotion, I feel understood. With every salty drop of emotion, I feel a little less lost. With every salty drop of emotion, I feel tethered to a man I’ve spent my whole life hating. And with that last salty drop of emotion, I know I need to get the fuck out of here.

Sometimes I wonder if death really is the worst thing, because being alive and feeling so empty and hollow seems to be much worse.

It feels natural, understated almost. Like something I’ve done my whole life. Except there’s the warmth that explodes inside my chest as soon as my palm presses against him, and it... it definitely suggests otherwise.

“Want to sit on my shoulders?” I coo. “Up. Up.” She bounces in my arms with every word. “Up. Up.”

Julian just laughs at me, mouthing the word ‘chicken’ and flapping his arms like one. I pretend to scratch the bridge of my nose with my middle finger and he just laughs at me, his face splitting in two, his whole smile lighting up the room.

I try to feign indifference, to ward him off, but the inferno blazing inside his eyes makes it impossible. He angles his head, lowering his mouth to my ear, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”

With every swipe of his tongue, I feel understood. With every swipe of his tongue, I feel a little less lost. With every swipe of his tongue, I feel tethered to a man I can’t have. And with that last tantalizing swipe of my tongue against his, I know I’ll never be alone again.

I mentally count how many days till Thanksgiving, and then berate myself for acting like a teenage girl with a high school crush.

“I’ve known you for ten years, Deacon,” he says. “And you’ve always been a broody motherfucker, so fucking spill.” The word broody immediately reminds me of Julian, and that has my lips turning up. Wade jolts out of his seat, pointing and yelling at me. “That’s it, right there. Caught in the fucking act. What’s behind that cheesy-ass smile on your face?”

A flush of embarrassment settles on Wade’s cheeks, and I can’t help but cackle at his awkwardness. “Are you asking if my dick likes dick?” “This is so fucking weird,” he mutters. “But yes, that’s ultimately what I’m asking.” “Well then, yes, my dick definitely likes his dick,” I say with a very practiced straight face. Wade pinches the bridge of his nose and groans. “This is what I get for trying to have a meaningful conversation with you.”

“I’m not attracted to men,” I say boldly. “I’m only attracted to you.”

“Morning, sunshine,” he says gleefully. “Fuck, you’re chirpy this morning,” I respond groggily. “Coffee and energy drinks will do that to a guy. How’d you sleep?” “Good. I think. I’m sorry I fell asleep.” “Lucky we didn’t bet on it,” he gloats. “Shut up.”

“I just need to know you understand,” I say to the photo, my voice low and pleading. “Tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

His breathing is heavy, the sound shaky and nervous. Sea blue eyes stare at me, a mixture of truth, fear, and longing on display. His heart’s in his eyes and I can feel the significance in my gut. This man never takes off his mask.

“You think after the last two weeks, and the longest twelve hours of my fucking life,” he says hoarsely, “you weren’t the first person I wanted to see?”

“You didn’t say anything,” I croak out. He runs his fingers through his wet hair and lowers his eyes nervously. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“If I’m going to do all that,” I breathe out against his swollen lips, “then I need to know with absolute certainty that you and I gave it everything we had to try and make it work.”

“Get on your back,” he demands. “I want you to remember my face when I fuck you. So you know exactly who you’re walking away from, and the man you better fucking come back to.”

“You fucker,” Deacon says. “You could’ve led with ‘I booked a hotel room.’” “Well, I figured sleeping in your childhood bedroom, with your parents in the house, wasn’t really an option.” His face scrunches up in anguish at the mention of Elaine and Bill.

“He might’ve had a piece of my heart, Deacon, but you own it. It’s yours till the day you say you don’t want it.”

“I’m so, so fucking sorry she said that to you,” he cries. “You are not less than or undeserving of anything, Deacon Sutton. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to feel whole, and I won’t let anyone, not even your mom, take this away from us.”

“It’s not about that. I can’t look at her,” he admits. “The only time the image of her slapping you wasn’t playing on a loop in my head was when I was inside you.”

“I know you’re not familiar with how this piece of the puzzle works, but you’re mine. You are always going to be mine.” My lips turn upward at his hint of possessiveness. “So, if you think I’m going to let anyone treat the man I love with anything less than the respect he deserves, and then think I’m still keeping them around?”

“I love you more than my past,” he says. “I love you more than the obstacles the present has thrown in our way. Because you’re my future. And I’m going to love you forever because you’re my always.”

Without a care in the world, he cups the back of my neck and unapologetically fuses our mouths together. “I love you so fudging much,” he murmurs against my mouth.

“Do you guys want to hear how Wade proposed?” Christy interjects, her voice cheerful. “No,” Wade groans. “Please don’t.”

Task One: Please bury me with candy corn. Task Two: Tell Lia I love her every day. Task Three: If Vic has another baby and it’s a boy, make sure they name him Rhett. What’s the point of dying young if you don’t get a legacy out of it? Task Four: Stand up to Mom. Task Five: Be nice to Julian.

Love you, Big Brother. Forever and Always. Rhett