Fool Me Twice

by Carrie Aarons

She knew me better than anyone, and I her. And now she was gone.

You think you’re prepared for it … the death of someone you love. But you can’t know. You can’t know the kind of dagger, the dull kind inserted slowly into the muscle that the world views as the symbol of love. It rips apart every piece of flesh, every nerve, every vessel, every synapse.

6. Dye my hair 7. Have sex 8. Camp out in a tent 9. Go bungee jumping 10. Get revenge on Lincoln Kolb

This summer will be dedicated to crossing items six through nine off of Catherine’s bucket list. And when the first semester of my college career starts in August, so will the plan to take down the one guy who broke my best friend’s heart.

You never know if you’ll be breathing in the next second after this one. Which is why I take every chance those precious seconds give me.

Which meant we went to different high schools, and I wasn’t present when Lincoln Kolb dumped her in front of the entire seventh-period lunch crowd a week after she told him she’d been diagnosed with cancer again. The fucker. I could literally go over there and wring his neck just thinking about it.

fucking ass

it’s such a small movement that she thinks I don’t notice. I do.

If you don’t think you’re the best, why the hell would other people think that?

Especially Henley. That girl has no weakness, and the last thing I want is sympathy from the spitfire. I wouldn’t be able to bear seeing pity in her eyes when she finds out I was the kid in elementary school with cancer. The one who missed six months of school for chemo, the one they had fundraisers for, the little boy whose shaved head appeared in his second grade yearbook.

I’m beginning to realize that one time will never be enough with Henley Rowan.

but I know I won’t be able to keep away from her.

Because this isn’t just any girl, and that feels strange to me.

“Not Christ, just Lincoln,”

Daddy

Because Henley Rowan is going to be a hard nut to crack … though she was smooth as velvet in my bed.

Lincoln’s smile is pure devilish, as if Hades himself whispered in the boy’s ear all the naughty things he’d get to do to me tonight.

She’s jealous.

“Can’t. You. See. I. Only. Want. You?”

That? That was much more than sex. It’s the first moment I realize that I might not just be into this girl, but actively falling head over heels.

When I started this, pursuing him and putting this plan in action, I never expected to crash and burn quite as hard as I am for Lincoln Kolb.

This girl is simply … perfect. For me.

I’d hate him for it if I wasn’t falling in love with him.

Falling in love with him? Fuck. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

I never thought about how we’ll mend separately after I tear us apart.

Break up with him tonight

girl what no

it’s getting harder and harder to separate that from the guy Catherine said he was.

If I don’t get out soon, I’m going to be the one with a broken heart.

The only thing I want to do now is crawl into my bed and bawl my eyes out. I knew it would be hard to disentangle myself from Lincoln Kolb. I had no idea it would devastate me on every level of my soul.

my girl,

“We’re not done. Not even close to it,”

She’s not jealous, she’s scared.

I want you to be my girlfriend.

You’re my girlfriend. I’m your boyfriend. And if you don’t like it, tough. That’s what is happening.”

When he was standing in front of me, telling me all the ways he cared about me, I was just a girl and he was just a boy. Two people who really have formed something. And it scares the shit out of me.

My first game as a starter, and my girl is in the stands.

If I’m telling the truth, I’m in love with Henley.

knowing that whatever happens, I’m coming home to her later.

It’s at this moment that I know, even if she isn’t saying it, that she loves me, too.

I was all but telling Henley that I was in love with her.

“I love you,” he whispers into the dark.

I guess she fucking did. Got revenge on Lincoln Kolb. Broke my fucking heart. Thanks to her, I’ll never trust a girl with it again.

I’m in love with him, plain and simple. There is nothing else I want more now than to apologize, to grovel, and to have him come back to me.

I’ll never find someone I love as much as him. I don’t want to find someone.

And by the time I knew I was in love with you, I couldn’t risk losing you by telling you the truth.”

You’re hellfire and unbendable, but I fucking love that. I’ve never felt more myself than when I’m with you.”

Henley Rowan came into my life like a meteor, destroying anything that came before her and changing the landscape of my life forever after. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because once we decided to be together, there was no other option.