Fool Me Twice

by Carrie Aarons

You think you’re prepared for it … the death of someone you love. But you can’t know. You can’t know the kind of dagger, the dull kind inserted slowly into the muscle that the world views as the symbol of love. It rips apart every piece of flesh, every nerve, every vessel, every synapse.

If you don’t think you’re the best, why the hell would other people think that?

It’s at this moment that I know, even if she isn’t saying it, that she loves me, too.

I’m in love with him, plain and simple. There is nothing else I want more now than to apologize, to grovel, and to have him come back to me.

“He never meant to hurt you, he’s so sorry he did. But I lost him because of what I did, and now I fear I’ll never find someone I love as much as him. I don’t want to find someone. I can’t explain it, Cat, but he’s just … he’s it. I’m scared out of my mind about how much I love him, and at the same time, I want to rip my hair out because I’m the one who fucked it up.”

You’re hellfire and unbendable, but I fucking love that. I’ve never felt more myself than when I’m with you.”

In the end, though, the jokes on me. Not only did he fool me once, or twice, but he fools me endlessly. Though now, both of our eyes are open. We’re clearly choosing to walk down this path together.