Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Every Day of Your Life

by M.J. Ryan

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. —DESIDERATA

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them. —GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

We can spend a whole lifetime enjoying various benefits and not appreciate their value until we are deprived of them. How many lovers boldly contemplate separation, fondly imagining that they have had enough of the beloved. And yet as soon as they actually experience separation, they burn up with longing. —JAMI

As I express my gratitude, I become more deeply aware of it. And the greater my awareness, the greater my need to express it. What happens here is a spiraling ascent, a process of growth in ever-expanding circles around a steady center. —BROTHER DAVID STEINDL-RAST

Beginning to tune in to even the minutest feelings of . . . gratitude softens us. . . . If we begin to acknowledge these moments and cherish them . . . then no matter how fleeting and tiny this good heart may seem, it will gradually, at its own speed, expand. —PEMA CHÖDRÖN

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. —FRANK TYGER

As you wander on through life, sister/brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole. —SIGN IN THE MAYFLOWER COFFEE SHOP, CHICAGO

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. —MARY JEAN IRON

As Rick Field notes, “When we pay attention, whatever we are doing—whether it be cooking, cleaning or making love—is transformed. . . . We begin to notice details and textures that we never noticed before; everyday life becomes clearer, sharper, and at the same time more spacious.” Our eyes are opened once again to the miracles of the absolutely ordinary and joy fills our hearts.

The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. —JOSEPH ADDISON

There are many ways to victimize people. One way is to convince them that they are victims. —KAREN HWANG

Oh, for the wonder that bubbles into my soul. —D. H. LAWRENCE

Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. —SARAH BERNHARDT

realized then that there is something in human nature—well, at least in contemporary Western human nature—that will always long for more and envy those who have it, and the only way to deal with that trait is to acknowledge it:

It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good. —C. S. LEWIS

One way to counteract the tendency to look outside ourselves for happiness is to practice No Matter What. Before you go into a situation, ask yourself, “What is it that I can learn, accomplish, or experience here, no matter what happens?”

Gratitude is the memory of the heart; therefore forget not to say often, I have all I ever enjoyed. —LYDIA CHILD

What are the things in your life that, looking back, you are most thankful for?

It's good to have an end to journey toward; but it's the journey that matters, in the end. —URSULA K. LEGUIN

triggers. In his book Stopping, David Kundtz suggests the practice of Stillpoints, stops for a very brief time, that are made in the “unfilled moments in life”: while waiting for the microwave to heat your coffee, standing in line, walking from one appointment to the next, sitting at a red light. Sitting or standing, you “stop, breathe, and remember.” Stop, notice a breath in and a breath out, and remember. The remembering can be any message that is powerful

and important for you: that you are loved, that you are filled with peace and joy, that you have plenty of time to do what you have to, that you can notice the world around you in this moment. If you are trying to increase your sense of gratitude, perhaps your message can be something like, “I notice the gifts surrounding me in this moment.”

Thank God for what doesn't need healing. —JOAN BORYSENKO

I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content. —SAINT PAUL

Try the following practice for a week. In the course of your daily life, whenever you encounter something that is not your idea of a good thing, ask yourself, “If everything that is happening is right, how is this right?” What's right about the fight with your mother, the fender-bender, your aching back? Without negating what's wrong, ask yourself what function or need is the event serving?

Some people once brought a blind man to Jesus and asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” . . . And Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the words of God might be manifest in him.” He told them not to look for why the suffering came but to listen for what the suffering could teach them. —WAYNE MULLER

Right now, write down the ten hardest or most terrible things that ever happened to you. As you look over the list, can you see the gifts that each of them brought?

we already know a lot about what doesn't help foster an attitude of gratitude in children. But what does work? Not surprisingly, the same things that work for adults—teaching our kids an asset focus and a conscious counting of their blessings without a guilt trip.

Then, each night, I suggest you do the following bedtime ritual. As you put your children to bed, spend at least three minutes of private time, after books and bathroom and teeth-brushing, and ask them to tell you one thing they did that they appreciate themselves for and one thing someone else did that they are thankful for.

It is better to give than to receive. —ACTS 20:35

But one of my favorite ways is something I call Dedicate This Moment: When you are enjoying something thoroughly and feeling thankful to be enjoying it, send the positive energy of that moment to someone in need.

Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. —RABBI ABRAHAM HERSCHEL

No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helped you. —ALTHEA GIBSON

Our culture is so individualistic and competitive that it is easy to forget that we literally accomplish nothing without the help of others.

The fallacy of a self-made man/woman/individual

There is no house like the house of belonging. —DAVID WHYTE

It took me decades to acknowledge that while I am indeed my own unique self, I am also the child of my parents, and that indeed I am, for good and bad, more like them than I ever imagined.

Dawna Markova has a wonderful practice to make this real for you. “Look in the palm of your hand. Thich Nhat Hanh would say that if you look deeply enough, you'll never be lonely. Each cell of your hand is made from genetic material passed on to you from your mother and father. Whether you adored or despised them, there they are in the palm of your hand. If you look a little deeper, you'll also see your grandfathers and grandmothers. Deeper still, and there are all your ancestors resting snugly in your DNA. Can you hear them whispering in your ear, ‘Maybe this is the one who will carry our dreams into the world, maybe this is the one who will move beyond the limitations that have held us back and carry our dreams into the world.’”

For more than thirty years, my family has sent Thanksgiving cards rather than Christmas cards to our friends, desiring to spread our gratitude for the many gifts of life. —JOHN MARKS TEMPLETON

What a great idea! Rather than sending a Christmas card, a holiday letter listing all our accomplishments or a rote greeting, what if we took the time to catalog the things we are grateful for and tell people about those! Wouldn't it feel wonderful to open your mailbox and have a card from a friend thanking you for being in her life? Wouldn't it feel great to be the person who sends such a card?

Thanksgiving cards, not Christmas cards

Richard Louv, a columnist for the San Diego Union Tribune and author of The Web of Life once wrote a column about a family that, instead of presents, gives Christmas love letters to one another each year, listing twenty-five reasons why the person receiving the letter is loved or valued. It is his most widely requested column, and the idea has been picked up by a radio station in Los Angeles. “I decided that my family had better get on board, too,” he writes in The Web of Life.

Before you taste anything, recite a blessing. —RABBI AKIVA

Say “Thank You” as Often as Possible Let's feel the magic of those two little, big words, “thank you.” —ARDATH RODALE

In a recent article in Prevention, Ardath Rodale suggests that readers count the numbers of “Thank you”s they say during one day. I think that's a great idea. So today, count your “Thank you”s. They'll probably increase by virtue of your turning your attention to them.

[Appreciation] makes immortal all that is best and most beautiful. . . . It exalts the beauty of that which is beautiful. . . . It strips the veil of familiarity from the world, and lays bare and naked sleeping beauty, which is in the spirit of its forms. —PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY

When I asked them about the letter, they said they make it a habit to thank in writing people who treat them well. “In our professional corporate work,” they write, “we really value the help and support of reliable, qualified, capable people.” So they not only let the person know how grateful they are, but they tell the person's boss as well.

You don't necessarily have to send letters (although a card or letter is particularly meaningful to many people, especially these days when the mailbox seems to contain only junk mail and bills). A telephone call or email message will also work.

It is man's foremost duty to awaken the understanding of the inner Self and to know his own real inner greatness. Once he knows his true worth, he can know the worth of others. —SWAMI MUKTANANDA

Whatever is our own gift, chances are we haven't noticed it.

we all have splendid qualities, and if we learn to appreciate ourselves, our sense of gratefulness for our own beings will be magnified and our tendency to notice all our flaws and failings will diminish.

Today, try writing a note of thanks to yourself. It can be for anything that you feel grateful to yourself for—being a good friend, for example, or working hard, or dressing with flair. Take the time to think of as many things you are grateful to yourself for as possible. Doesn't it bring a warm smile to your face to think of how marvelous you are?