Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor

by Layla F. Saad

White fragility causes so much discomfort that it is easy to decide that it is not worth it and return to the comfort of white supremacy. White apathy is like a warm blanket that says, “This is too hard. Let’s go back to sleep.”

You will be called out/in as you do antiracism work. Making mistakes is how you learn and do better going forward. Being called out/in is not a deterrent to the work. It is part of the work. And there is no safety in this work. There has been no safety for BIPOC under white supremacy.

Maya Angelou famously said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”43 When it comes to racial conversations, that means beginning with the willingness to lay down white fragility and unconscious bias, listen to the feedback being offered (even though it causes discomfort), reflect on your actions and unconscious beliefs, educate yourself, apologize, make amends through changed behavior, and do better in the future.

Throughout this book, we have been exploring this idea of what it means to be a “good white person.” By now, many of you have realized that clinging to this notion has actually done more harm than good, because it has prevented you from doing the real work. When you are so focused on making sure that other people know that you are not racist, you simply continue to practice racism through behaviors like white exceptionalism, tokenism, optical allyship, and white saviorism.

I invite you to release the desire to be seen as good by other people and instead explore what it looks like for you to own that you are a person who holds privilege and that you are a person who is committed to practicing antiracism.

White privilege is a bubble that protects you, rewards you with unearned advantages, gives you the belief that you are entitled to be in all spaces all the time, shields you from showing up for BIPOC, and grants you a feeling of authority and power.

Taking responsibility for your own antiracist education with the free and paid resources already publicly available, instead of expecting BIPOC to do that work for you. •Talking to your friends and family members who have white privilege about practicing antiracism. •Having racial conversations with other white people, whether in person or online. •Donating money to causes, movements, and organizations that are working toward liberation and dignity for BIPOC. •Paying money to more BIPOC businesses, entrepreneurial ventures, and projects. •Amplifying BIPOC voices (whether or not their work is about racism and social justice). •Showing up at protests and marches for BIPOC. •Calling out/in leaders, organizations, and institutions that are discriminating against and doing harm to BIPOC. •Continuing to show up, even when you are called out, you feel discomfort or fatigue, or you are not rewarded for it (socially or financially). •Taking up less space and allowing BIPOC to take up more space so that they can be heard and their leadership can be followed. •Risking relationships and comfort by speaking up instead of staying silent.

The devastation, anger, and confusion you are feeling are part of the work too. Without those feelings, nothing changes, because there is no reason to heal what does not feel broken. I invite you not to run away from the pain but to allow it to break your heart open.