Falling Toward the Moon

by R.H. Sin

You can’t change people.

I can tell something is tearing you up inside. Something terrible. Something from your past is haunting you day in and day out. I can see it in your sad eyes. In your sad smile. Something is hurting you and it’s eating you alive without remorse.

Let it be known that whatever it is you’re going through . . . it is something you no longer have to go through alone. Let it be known, my friend, that I am here with you, and I always have been, and I will never leave your side no matter how tragic life gets.

You’ve got to work on yourself day by day. You’ve got to remember that your entire life is a work in progress. That you’re going to have bad days but also good ones to balance everything out. You’ve got to know that sometimes you’re going to get your heart broken. While other times, you’re the one who’s going to be breaking someone else’s. You’ve got to accept that nothing ever goes as planned and that nothing is perfect. You’ve got to realize that what you feel is never wrong and you must always trust your intuition but also accept the consequence of things. You’ve got to know that it’s never too late to be where you want to be. To become who you want to become. To feel what you want to feel and to love the way you want to be loved:

You’re still here, in this goddamn forsaken city. And you’re still walking, breathing, and living, no matter how much it hurts inside. You’re still you. You’re still fighting, trying to maintain— waking up each day and telling yourself it’s okay, because it is. You’re still recovering. You’re still realizing your worth— no matter how many times you’ve been let down.

Full of pain and full of laughter. Cold and broken but never alone. The struggle is real. You are real. What you feel is real. And you must realize your strength and how you are capable of moving on. You must realize the beauty of finding yourself and your natural ability to heal. You must realize how special you are, and how you value yourself . . . is the most important thing in the world. Always.

As long as I am with you, I have nothing to worry about. Therefore, the world could burn and the birds can fall from the sky. I got you, right now, here in my arms and we’re surviving through the destruction. We are holding on to what really matters, to each other. To our fears and desires. I love that because I need that type of flame. Flawed and in love. We are alive and there’s nothing better to live by than that.

We entertain ourselves with another man’s tragic demise. And then we share it on social media to pretend we care. To say we need a change. And we do, but none of us want to take that leap. None of us want to risk what we barely have. Everyone is afraid, waiting for someone to do something about it, anyone, as long as it’s not them. And that’s the problem here,”

want you to feel— to remember what it was like when you first laid eyes on something you loved. I want you to breathe, to inhale. To run your fingers through the air and collect the memories as they pass you by.

The way you need to be loved and the way you want are two very different things. One you can learn to live without while the other will take a lifetime to accept.

I hope you find someone who’s real with you. Someone who’s capable of telling you when you’re wrong, when you’re about to make a mistake. I hope you find someone who’s not afraid to love. Someone who’s not afraid to get hurt.

I hope you find someone who cares— not just someone who cares about you but also someone who cares about others. Someone who cares about making a difference, about leaving some kind of mark on the world: to heal it, change it for the best.

Some people chase something their entire lives, and when they finally find it, they lose it. They regret it and realize what they’ve lost as soon as it’s gone.

Let this New Year consume you. Let it guide you. And let it give you the hope you need to move forward.

Does it ever stop? The pain. The brokenness. The emptiness and the longing of being understood—of being held by the right hands.

life isn’t meant to destroy you. People aren’t meant to hurt you . . . and all the things you feel aren’t meant to bring you closer to your doom. Because everything around you is a lesson waiting to be learned, and how you let it affect you is completely up to you.

“Where do you get your inspiration?” I reply. “Life, my dear, life.” My laughter. My sweat. My tears. My pain. My love. My loss. My gain. My experience. And my writing. Will always be based on life.

That’s expected of you. To look for help, for someone to pour yourself out to when you need it most. Because no one wants to deal with heart-shattering things on their own. Human beings are social creatures and everyone needs someone to feel them.

Self-love is about survival. About finding your own path and passing through. It’s not about the opinions of others. It’s not about holding on to the things that bring you harm— to the things that hurt. It’s not about forgetting who you are— what you want and need. No, never that. In detail, it’s about you.

Sometimes, you feel like you’ve spent your whole life planning for a future that isn’t certain. Chasing a love that doesn’t exist. And worrying about a past that doesn’t even matter. And this is what your life has turned into. Stressing over the unknown. Overthinking about people you’ve never even met and dwelling in moments that drown you, instead of the ones that push you toward the shore.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t spend your days working too hard and don’t spend your nights overthinking the future. Don’t mistreat people and don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Don’t judge others based on your own life and don’t hold on when there’s nothing left to hold on to.

My dear, when will you learn? That it is not that you can’t trust anyone. It is more that you cannot trust yourself. She doesn’t let people in unless it’s her way and then she wonders why no one ever takes the time to try to save her.

I’m trying to adapt to the way I change. Because some nights, I feel like I’m on top of the world while other nights I feel like I’m buried beneath it. And this is what depression feels like. Like I’m two different people and both of them barely know who they are. They sit alone at a table and they barely understand themselves.

There comes a time when you must make a choice. And I don’t mean one of those silly little choices between what shoes to wear or pants to put on. I mean the kind of choice that is going to change your life forever. Because bad things are going to happen and some good things too but it’s how you let them affect you. That within itself is the most important choice of them all.

If there is anything I can do, it is to tell you that all things pass. That all pain eventually dissolves. That time heals everything and what it doesn’t you have to step away from and learn to heal on your own.

life is hard. Losing people is hard. Losing opportunities is hard. Losing love is hard. But losing yourself in what hurts is even harder.

The first half of your life you’ll spend acquiring wealth and social status. And the second half of your life you’ll spend learning how the first half of your life really meant nothing at all.

People will miss you the moment you stop caring. The moment you moved on. Because that’s how it works. Most people only want what no longer belongs to them, what they once had but failed to appreciate.

That’s the tragedy. How you always need someone to help you discover your worth and how you always need to lose someone you once cared about.

We fight their wars. We come home and they give us a statue. We die for what they believe in. We come home and they give us a medal. They praise us for our bravery . . . for how we fought each night. And then we come back home. They take away our businesses. They take away our culture. They take away our pride and legacy. And then they wonder why none of us truly succeed.

none of it matters. It does only if it means something and if it changes your life for good.

People will always be looking for an easy way out, and they will use you, take everything from you while you’re not looking, and forget you the moment they take what you have. Their interest, like a thirst, and once they start it’s very hard to run away from. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing but I have always been a lion trapped in an unlocked cage. AMEN.

You can’t stop love. You can’t stop anything from happening . . . so let it. Let it. Let it . . . all consume you.

Sometimes I wish I was on your mind as much as you destroy mine.

Your heart the size of the moon, creating its own light, and even though you feel broken, you still continue to fight. No weapons, no shield, just a will to survive. You feel weary beneath the sadness and yet you still try.

Within you lives this ability to overcome any obstacle. Within you lives this strength to overcome and push against and push through the negatives that stand before you. Within you lives this magic that most people will never understand, and that’s okay because only you need to comprehend it.

Strangely, it’s the loss of something I never had that keeps me hoping for something you’ll never give me.

There will be men who are nothing but lessons and examples of what to avoid as you move forward with your life, and once you move forward with your life, avoid these types of men as much as you can.

you spend all your life looking for love and it’s only when you get to the end that you realize that you forgot to look for yourself and that is the saddest love story of them all

journeying through life beside a lover who can’t love you is like building a home on land overtaken by drought in love alone in the valley of death

Look closely at the people all dressed up, filling dark rooms with other people who are wearing the same masks. They’re all running from something, and just for a moment, the loud music and alcohol help them get away.

free of these chains no longer bound by the time i invested in a love that never manifested you were the nothing i should’ve ignored you were the something i should’ve stayed away from

we live in a corner our backs pressed against the wall afraid of moving forward afraid of letting go afraid of starting over with something or someone new and so we stay there in that corner that small cramped space that keeps us from getting the things we crave the most

that overpowering desire to stay in a relationship with someone who refuses to give you what you desire most is a version of hell that seems to be a struggle to get away from

a long life is a slow death you find yourself fighting to survive and the longer you live the closer you are to the end

most of the love i knew before you were tragedies wrapped in good intent and lies that sounded so beautiful they had to be true i was guilty of showering lovers with things they never deserved fooled, used, and confused by empty promises i gave and got nothing but bruises, scars, and the inability to sleep

my hesitance is a remnant of all the times i’ve been hurt by anyone claiming to love me

you feel broken you feel sadness you feel pain but you are not less

and that’s the problem thinking we have more time than we actually do

we were nothing but memories of everything i wished to forget