The Black Flamingo

by Dean Atta

I feel like Goldilocks: trying to find a group of people the perfect fit for me. A group that’s “just right.” I didn’t feel black enough for African Caribbean Society, I didn’t feel Greek enough for Hellenic Society, I didn’t feel queer enough for LGBT Society. But I’ve got to find a group that’s just right for me.

“We don’t have to know each other to show each other love.”

Men are sandcastles made out of pebbles and the bucket is patriarchy: if you remove it, we fear we won’t be able to hold ourselves together, we pour in cement to fill the gaps to make ourselves concrete constructions.

Love is a costume. Son is a costume you shrug on and off. Mum is a costume she squeezed herself into, for you. Dad is a costume discarded for other men to try on. Maybe it will fit someone.

Being both black and queer, affirming that I exist, I am here and I have been here long before this moment, the first people were black and queerness predates its modern meaning. Queerness predates its derogatory meaning. Queerness predates colonialism and Christianity. Queerness predates any hate attached to it.

I call myself black. I call myself queer. I call myself beautiful. I call myself eternal. I call myself iconic. I call myself futuristic. And you”—I point to Jack—“can call me later.” I get a massive laugh from the audience. Jack folds his arms, shrinking in his seat. I spread my arms in a gesture to the whole audience: “You can call me The Black Flamingo.

“I give thanks to Adam Lowe, Ajamu X, Alice Walker, Alicia Garza, Alvin Ailey, Angela Davis, Audre Lorde, Bayard Rustin, Bessie Smith, Big Freedia, Billie Holiday, Campbell X, Carl Phillips, Chardine Taylor Stone, Danez Smith, Dionne Brand, Diriye Osman, Don Shirley, Dorothea Smartt, Essex Hemphill, Frank Ocean, Gina Yashere, Jackie Kay, Jacob V Joyce, Jacqueline Woodson, James Baldwin, Janelle Monáe, Janet Mock, Jay Bernard, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Jericho Brown, Josephine Baker, June Jordan, Kayza Rose, Kei Miller, Keith Jarrett, Kele Okereke, KUCHENGA, Labi Siffre, Lady Phyll, Langston Hughes, Lasana Shabazz, Laverne Cox, Le Gateau Chocolat, Lorraine Hansberry, Ma Rainey, Marsha P. Johnson, Meshell Ndegeocello, Mia McKenzie, MNEK, Munroe Bergdorf, Mykki Blanco, Mzz Kimberley, Nikki Giovanni, Octavia E. Butler, Opal Tometi, Patrik-Ian Polk, Patrisse Cullors, Paula Varjack, Rhys Hollis, Rikki Beadle-Blair, Roxane Gay, RuPaul, Rudy Loewe, Saeed Jones, Samira Wiley, Sapphire, Skin, Staceyann Chin, Stephen K. Amos, Syd, Tarell Alvin McCraney, Thomas Glave, Topher Campbell, Tracy Chapman, Travis Alabanza, Wanda Sykes, Yrsa Daley-Ward, and of course our very own ‘Em-zed-zed, you can call me Mzz B!’ Your art and activism have inspired me to stand on this stage and feel free.”

How to Come Out as Gay Don’t. Don’t come out unless you want to. Don’t come out for anyone else’s sake. Don’t come out because you think society expects you to. Come out for yourself. Come out to yourself. Shout, sing it. Softly stutter. Correct those who say they knew before you did. That’s not how sexuality works, it’s yours to define.

If you’re unhappy in the closet but afraid of what’s outside, leave the door ajar and call out. If you’re happy in the closet for the time being, play dress-up until you find the right outfit.

Remember you have the right to be proud. Remember you have the right to be you.