Things No One Else Can Teach Us

by Humble the Poet

don’t know whether I’ll be able to open my heart again to a dog. I don’t know whether meeting that woman on a blind date will lead to a life-long relationship. I’m unsure whether devoting a year to writing a book is worth it. But fear won’t do anything other than hold me back from finding out.

Holding yourself back from experiencing life will leave stains on your spirit that may never come out.

We don’t have control over how 99.999999 percent of things turn out, but we’ll always have control over our efforts and our perspectives, and that counts for something. If we go in with an open heart toward the possibility of loss, then maybe the blow won’t feel so traumatic. As someone who’s NOT Winnie the Pooh once said: “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

It’s okay to make room for the fear and self-pity; just be mindful that they don’t overstay their welcome.

The challenge is, we want the good stuff to last and struggle to believe that the bad stuff will ever end. The heartbreaks, regrets, pain of loss all seem to tattoo themselves into our beings, but just like this flight, they won’t last. Sometimes the only reason these feelings stick around is because we don’t let them go.

The cost of being yourself, is being by yourself And that’s a pretty penny I can’t afford But staying in line has its cost Keeping everyone else happy but ourselves

For those few of us who decide to go off-script, we’re leaving a zoo to enter the jungle. Sure, there’s an abundance of freedom when we choose to go against the template, but with that freedom comes new challenges. We have to trade feelings of safety and security for uncertainty, and we have to learn how to be out on our own. All the decisions that were previously made for us now rest solely on our shoulders.

I’m not the only person at this school who’s gone through hardships, and neither are you. But one thing we have to remember is, the world doesn’t stop for our tragedies; it keeps moving, and we have to keep moving with it. Stop handling your tragedies like a child, and deal with them like an adult. Adults show up for work, children stay in bed.”

None of us knows how strong we are until being strong is the only option we have left. We spend so much of our lives avoiding discomfort that we don’t realize that in those uncomfortable situations, our best selves emerge.

Just as there’s a day following the good news, there’s always a day after the bad news. As my colleague said, “The world doesn’t stop for our tragedies,” and neither should we.

We can survive a lot. Surviving things in the short term may be very unpleasant, but in the long term, we will gain in character, strength, and wisdom. I’ve kept that message with me as I face new challenges in life, knowing that no matter what happens, I’ll be able to claw myself out of the holes and come out stronger. Fear keeps us in line, and the moment we realize how much we’re capable of enduring, the fences that hold us back start to disintegrate. The freedom that comes with moving despite the fear is a liberation we would all benefit from.

Remember: We’re not chasing the goal, we’re chasing the feeling that we THINK will come from hitting the goal. Doing for others will always feel better than doing for ourselves. We’ll also realize there’s much less resistance and fewer obstacles when we choose to serve others versus when we choose to do things selfishly.

Isn’t that how most things go?—we pile up our expectations on others to make stuff happen, and when they can’t deliver, we’re disappointed, lost, and confused.

Figuring out our gaps in comparison to others is always going to be an endlessly miserable experience. I watch my friends accomplish great things, and I want the same for myself, but I’ve been sowing different seeds, so I’ll be growing different fruit.

Jumping into anything with low expectations is the best way to exceed expectations, so keep that in mind when deciding your next move.

I’m simply encouraging you to focus more on the present. That means focusing on laying the next brick, knowing the castle will be ready when the last brick is laid and not a moment sooner, and then remembering that as good as it feels to enjoy the triumph of building that castle, there will be a day after, and we’ll have to find another castle to build—and that’s okay. Reclaiming

Meeting you was the worst thing Losing you was even worse I’m a magnet for bad days and blood suckers No gift, only curse Why god makes someone like you Why, god must be someone like you Someone, despite who, has a ray of sun Focuses it only on what they can burn You’ll never learn I’ll never learn No one cares that I’m tired No one is giving me a break No one bothers to help or could ever understand

I’m not just a victim of pain: I’m capable, like all of us, of creating it in others.

Someone once told me to invest in a bar because “people drink when they’re happy, and they drink when they’re sad, so you’ll always have customers.”

mistakes. When we lose those near to us, we have an opportunity to honor their memories. That honor can exist not only in our words, but in our actions.

reaction. I can’t bring my uncles back, and I’ve had to make peace with the fact that I’ll never know my mother’s father, but the stories of their lives has gifted me insights that have been transformative.

Not knowing what’s going to happen next doesn’t frighten me; rather, it excites me. I’ve learned from my family’s stories and have developed my resilience, so now I can handle whatever comes my way with open eyes, open ears, an open heart, and an open mind. No matter how the events of our lives appear to be at first, let’s take a step back, reserve judgment, and carefully pay attention as things play out. Making this simple shift in perspective will help us find opportunities to improve how we feel about things along the way.

Maybe we want to wear our hair differently, but the voice tells us that people will think we’re trying too hard. Maybe we want to share a certain picture online, but the voice tells us that the only thing people will see are your asymmetrical eyebrows.

lesson: Don’t hold grudges against people who wrong you, and steer clear. Continue on your journey with people who care about you and your purpose.

What did I do to deserve the short end of the stick, am I really that pathetic Suffocating behind a silhouette smile Heart so cold, it’s left the rest of me numb Flames give no warmth, but still burn me Better off alone, I know how to be lonely

The Five S’s we have to worry about are salt, sugar, sitting, social media, and self-pity. All are highly addictive, and all will take a heavy toll on us if we consume them over a long period of time. Self-pity isn’t something only lame people do—it’s completely understandable. All of us want to feel a connection, and when we decide that no one understands what we’re going through, we find a way to connect with ourselves. That need for connection is normal, but there are more sustainable ways to approach it.

Power and blame go hand in hand, so if we want to find the power to improve our situation, we’re going to have to take responsibility, no matter how much others did us dirty. Taking the time to see how we contribute to our unfortunate circumstances is the first step to turning things around. Comparing ourselves to others and spending excessive time on social media only fuels our self-pity, and the more aware we are of those triggers, the better off we’ll be. Pointing fingers and taking offense are also the language of self-victimization, and we need to recognize when this becomes a habit we can’t kick. The secret to dealing with much of the bullshit life throws us is self-sufficiency, which means finding ways to own the bullshit, even when there are plenty of other people who should be sharing in the blame.

Without fail, every time I met someone, I’d use them as a measure to identify gaps in my life. Then came social media, the tools where you come across dozens of people every day who make you feel like you ain’t shit.

We all want to feel like we’re enough, but who gets to decide how much is “enough”?

That’s when I realized it wasn’t the fact that I was having a lazy day. It was the fact that social media would always help me find reasons to feel like I wasn’t good enough, even when I was working at my limits.

In addition to its addictive nature of baby dopamine shots, social media also shows you so many manufactured moments of other people’s lives that even the brightest and wisest among us begin to compare fake highlights with the unsexy behind-the-scenes of our own lives, giving our self-esteem constant punches to the gut. It’s like eating your favorite flavor of ice cream with micro-shards of glass; it’s cutting away at you inside, but you can’t stop yourself from having another spoonful.

kid. In all seriousness, I don’t think social media is the devil. Like everything in life, it’s a double-edged sword, and the more we’re aware of the edges, the better equipped we are to address that sword.

Comparing ourselves to others often damages our self-worth and demotivates us, creating a downward spiral. I didn’t have the discipline to say, “I’ll look at my phone less.” I had to make environmental changes. Not only did I take social media off my phone, but I also bought an old-fashioned alarm clock, so picking up my phone was not the first thing I did in the morning. I then crafted a routine of making my bed and doing some push-ups before I allowed myself to look at either phone. My plan has been successful 75 percent of the time, and although that’s not perfect, it’s made me feel better than I felt before. I’m more mindful about identifying the gaps in my life in relation to other people.

My plate is full, and just because I see someone post a cute #CoupleGoals pic, it doesn’t mean I need to reassess my entire life and question whether my accomplishments have come at the expense of my personal life. Social media is a playground for our insecurities and self-pity.

you’ll find fewer reasons to question whether you are enough, because you are.

If you want to be good, practice so you don’t make mistakes. If you want to be great, practice until you can’t make mistakes.

I don’t have control over whether people will keep meetings with me. And we all need to respect that people have their own priorities and things they need to do. I don’t gain much holding a grudge, and I’m better off recognizing that although I can’t control the outcome of another person’s decisions, I do have absolute control over my efforts.

I’m also proud to say I don’t take anything personally, even when it is. Showing compassion for others who may not do what I want has helped me both keep a level head and build compassion for myself, especially when I fall short of my own expectations. My ego is now the passenger and not the driver. Focusing on what’s in my control has given me more than enough to work on, so I’ll never be sitting around again complaining about what others won’t do for me.

For a guy named Humble, it’s ironic how easily my pride could be bruised, just like a banana.

My constant mantra on this topic is simply “those who offend you, conquer you.”

Enter Life has taken so much from me, I’m not sure what’s left Love has taken so much from me, I’ve run out of breath There’s a hole in my soul, and it’s leaking my life away Like an hourglass, covered top, unsure of how much sand remains

As I stated earlier, it’s like leaving the zoo to move into the jungle—sure we’re free, but we gotta figure things out on our own now. Not only are the cages gone, so is the zookeeper with our dinner. We graduated to the school of life. Tuition is expensive, and we always pay in advance.

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches. —Dita Von Teese

behavior* or simply being a hater.* Coexisting with other people means we’re going to have friction and conflict. I grew up in a Punjabi Sikh household; both heritages have a rich history of warfare and conflict, and I was raised with a fair amount of exposure to that. Steve Jobs noted that friction is what polishes and smooths rocks, and it’s the same with people, so we shouldn’t avoid it. But

I am free of the betrayal and trust issues I experienced after people hurt me because I can let go of all the resentment. It no longer has permission to weigh me down. I am free of the misery that comes with heartbreak. I will spill that pain on the page every time it happens—to learn from it, grow from it, and connect with others through it. I have nothing to lose. If everything must go, then go. I am free now and forever. The moment we decide to learn from our losses, we no longer feel them or fear them. And once we are free from the fear of loss, we are free to discover ourselves and live our most authentic lives.

Instead, I would stand in your corner, and at the top of my lungs I would remind you of everything you’ve endured up to this point, and that you’re still here. That’s more than enough proof that not only can you survive what you’re going through now, you can get out of that corner, start throwing some punches, and thrive. Let everyone, including yourself, know that you’re not afraid to get knocked down, or even knocked out, as long as you go down fighting.

There’s a quote associated with the American artist Florence Scovel Shinn: “No man is your friend, no man is your enemy, every man is your teacher.” I think we can update this to be less gendered and more applicable for life generally: “No situation is good, no situation is bad, every situation is our teacher.” The moment we can learn from a situation is the moment we win, finding and creating shiny gold in even the dullest and dimmest of places.