The Best of Friends

by Lucinda Berry

Becoming a mom birthed my biggest fear—losing him. Sawyer marked my entrance into motherhood.

Suicide contagion is a real thing in teenagers. Having someone close to you attempt suicide increases your risk.

The thing nobody tells you about grief is that time moves on. Or my personal favorite that nobody stops telling you—time heals all wounds. As if I want time to go anywhere. I want the world to stop. For every person to quit moving around me. For the screens to quit flashing and the zombies to stop walking so slowly down the streets that they almost get hit by cars. I don’t want the cars to drive or the buses to come, because every minute feels like I’m leaving Sawyer behind and living the life he was supposed to have.

I might not love myself enough to demand to be treated better, but I love my kids enough, and they deserve more.

oof