Second First Impressions

by Sally Thorne

One of the “benefits” of working in the front office of Providence Retirement Villa is I receive feedback on every aspect of my lifestyle and appearance, whether I want it or not.

So that’s what it feels like to be visible for a few long moments. Like touching a live wire.

This is why young men have always infuriated me. They stopgap their inadequacies with competent young women.”

He puts the torn, buttered roll on my plate. I can do it myself, but I didn’t have to just now. And that’s why it’s the most delicious bread roll I ever had.

Everything that gives you a sick stomach is a great example in a job interview one day.”

I turn right as Teddy’s fist twists in the bottom of his tank and pulls up. A big cheer rises up from the dirty old pervs in the water. I guess I’m looking like I’m going through something, because Renata says to me, “I want an exact description of what you’re feeling.”

Anything I can do with complete competence, a young man can do with less technical ability but more fanfare.

“I mean, he’s gorgeous, but the moment I met him I knew there’s only room in my world for one gorgeous high-maintenance princess. And that’s me.

All I know is, nothing in life feels that bad when I’m eating carbs and fat. Everything will work out, because of cheese.

“It hurts that you don’t know you’re lovely, exactly how you are. You don’t need to change. You don’t need to put on a dress, like it’s going to fix something. You don’t have anything that needs fixing.”

“You’re the thousand-dollar dress on the rack in this thrift store and I can’t believe no one’s picked you up yet.”

“Seems like a lot of people have been telling you what you’re like. It’s time to decide if you believe them.”

“I wish you could get a second first impression of me, but I can’t work out how to do it.”

“Brown-eyed sublime being. She of soft, deep cardigan pockets. Bubble-bath taker. Pool jumper. Cheese provider. Sunset glower. Heaven sent.”

“So imagine all that wreckage. Left behind were four flowery girls. Daisy, Lily, Poppy, and Rose.

“How did tonight make you feel?” “Like I always do. Left behind.” I can’t stop the words. “You just rubbed your new life in my face, and look where I am again. I’m back at Providence, where I’m probably going to be forever because I’m terrified of change and making a bad decision.”

Have you ever been caught off guard by the sound of your own heartbeat? Maybe you’ve pressed your ear weirdly on your pillow, and now all you can hear is your own proof of life. You are confronted with your mortality in a base, clock-ticking kind of way: you have an engine room, and it has a finite timeline. What a miracle and a privilege.

“I actually like spoiling people. I bring Melanie a spare yogurt every afternoon. She hasn’t noticed yet. It’s my love language.”

“I think that’s a good idea. This is a nice place to live, and it shouldn’t be exclusively for the insanely wealthy. I think you should also make sure that there’s a plan in place to get a bit of diversity. This place is a little . . .” He trails off, aware of the Parlonis’ stare. “You can say it. This is where rich old white people come to die.” Renata cackles at her own joke, then sobers.