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But never again would anyone, including the man who intended to be my husband, Capo Macchiavello, kill me with kindness. Because kindness didn’t kill you quickly. It ate at you slowly, like acid, until you wished you were dead.
If love drove my life, I’d be its main chick. Ride or die, Capo.
In what seemed like slow motion, my arm came up, and my hand connected with his cheek. The slap rang out in the night air. “You might be my capo,” I said, “but that doesn’t mean I’ll allow you to disrespect me.”
Stand up for yourself!! Hell yeah
All of my life, I thought that holding my ground meant fighting for it. In that moment, I realized something. Sometimes holding ground meant going with the flow, saving energy, so when the wave passed, I could go in a better direction.
Scars on skin meant living. Blood on knuckles meant living. Dirt on white clothes meant living. Living meant taking chances, even if we got soiled up in the process.
Instead of wearing one of the many items I had bought for her to sleep in, she wore my robe. It was three times too big. Her hands were lost in the sleeves, and it practically hung on her body.
Wearing her man's clothing.. sexy sexy
Even at The Club, when she had no clue what she had signed up for, she was martyr-strong. Vivo o muoi provando. I live or die trying.
“You’re afraid of a ghost. You should be more afraid of me. I still bleed. I can be killed. Again. So you know what that means? I’m dangerous. I’m the living ghost you should fear.”
If he stopped, violence would come from my hand and land on his body.
“There is nothing lonelier than waking up to someone you’ve given your all to, only to realize they only gave half in the night. It’ll happen, and it’ll hurt, but you’ll survive.”
So damn true
I knew I’d always remember how much I laughed that night.
Then that was a great night
People will fear you. Why? They see me standing behind you. I don’t cower. I don’t fucking bend. I kneel for no mere man on this earth.”
All that he had just said suddenly made sense—why he had gotten the permanent mark on his body. I don’t cower. I don’t fucking bend. I kneel for no mere man on this earth. That was my husband. All of him. He had never done anything to make me believe otherwise.
“Capo.” His name came out solid, though I felt anything but. “Do you know a guy named Merv?” “Knew. Briefly.” This time he looked away, at the screen, no expression on his face. “I should have told you. Vera II is actually Vera I. She was a welcome-home gift. Those plants. They seem to have roots made of steel.”
It would mean a lot to me to know that he hadn’t altered me physically. Because emotionally, he had caused some damage.
“We must talk about things we find difficult,” he said in Italian. “Or we will never conquer them.”
Do not shield yourself from love when the man sitting next to you loves you enough to give his life for yours. Allow love to consume you, Amadeo, because we become what we consume.
“It’s hard to imagine a night that we wish would never end, especially when all we know are nightmares, but trust me, some nights are worth wishing they could go on forever.
Let him see the good and the bad, the dirty and the clean, the ugly and the beautiful, the happy and the sad. Let him see me. All of me. Dare to live.
“Scars don’t bother me. They only mean I’ve earned my place in this world.”
“This what you want?” “Dominami.” I took a deep breath and it left my mouth in a slow push of air. Dominate me.
She knows what she wants
All good things are worth bleeding for,
He put my hand over his heart, where the blood smear was. “We have made vows,” he said in Italian. “But none like this one. This is a blood vow between the two of us. Between our flesh.” He pulled out of me, and then came back, making me lose my breath. “You belong to me in all the ways now, Mariposa.”
He moved even faster, making noises that I drank down like a bitter wine or a sweet poison. Only time would tell if he was my saving grace or my greatest enemy. There would be no in between with him.
So I did what I could. I punched fear right in the fucking face. I wanted this, him, more than I was afraid. My words, or what I didn’t say, had already cost me everything. Being with Capo, I realized, felt a lot like living—and living meant taking chances.
Not conquer. Not own. Give. Maybe he’d realized that no matter how much money a man had to buy things, there was nothing like a woman giving herself to him.
“Actions, Mari. Not words. I can tell by his actions. I saw the look on Capo’s face when Harrison confessed his undying love for you in the kitchen. Jealousy is a mean bitch, and she was slapping Capo all around.
Marry for loyalty, not for love. Love kills the soul quicker than a sharp dagger to the heart.
Marry for loyalty, not for love. Love kills the soul quicker than a sharp dagger to the heart. He had taken a dagger to his throat. For me. I took one to the heart. For him. I touched my stomach. I’d forever be connected to him, the proof of his blood vow taking up space in my womb. We both had to bleed for this.
Love is not the dagger you think it is. It’s only used as a weapon when the one you love turns it on you. Love is a shield against the rest of the world. Only the two of us can allow strangers beyond our gates. Love stems from so many different things. Companionship. Friendship. Loyalty, and loyalty can breed love. Or love can breed loyalty.
