Godshot

by Chelsea Bieker

the hand of a bad thing so bad it can start to seem good.

it seemed I could find the ends of my pain if she was there to hold my hand.

Some days, it feels like the moment my mother made her final choice, and other days it feels like the moment I made mine.

I thought about what I had always wanted more than anything and I knew then immediately in my haze like the surest thing. I wanted unconditional love from my mother, and I was not going to have that. But somehow I held unconditional love for her. Perhaps giving it away could be its own reward.

I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to figure out belief, and if the good I know of God is true, there is time enough.