Unlonely Planet: How Healthy Congregations Can Change the World

by Jillian Richardson

“Modern loneliness is not because we need to know more people. It’s because we need to be more known by a few. We’re emotionally lonely.”

we treat romance like it should always be aspired to and that it is the best type of relationship. Yet this obsessive focus on partnership is damaging to people’s sense of community. Relying on one person to provide everything for us is an unhealthy expectation. It keeps us from connecting with our neighbors and forging intimate friendships.

Brené has found in her research that the people who have the strongest sense of belonging don’t reach out to others occasionally. Instead, they have formed a habit of getting vulnerable and asking for connection consistently.

There’s a reason why sharing with strangers is so powerful. They’re actually likely to understand us more than people we know. As Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, said in an article for Consumer Affairs, “Our problem in communicating with friends and spouses is that we have an illusion of insight. Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding.”

Even if there aren’t enough chairs, or only two people show up, or the food is burned, they will be grateful that you cared enough to invite them in the first place. Trust me on this one. The world needs more people who are bold enough to call themselves gatherers.

“The work we do is deeply personal,” he said. “We care so much, but we can’t be attached to the outcome. For example, I think I can control the outcome of an event. But I can’t. That’s an illusion. All I can do is be of service in the moment.”