More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“Oh, are you going to wear that shirt outside? It’s a little bit small around your waist.” This is underhanded and passive-aggressive but subtle enough to plant small seeds of insecurity in your head. These seeds germinate and push your self-esteem into the ground. As a result, you grow up having no self-love, no confidence, and you can’t stop paying attention to that voice in your head that tells you’re not worthy or good enough. Another way in which they lower your self-esteem is by comparing you to other people. They compare you to other kids, making it seem like they got the short end of
...more
if you have siblings, your narcissistic parent will try to make you not like each other. Moreover, narcissistic parents tend to have a favorite called “the golden child” to get a positive narcissistic supply and a “scapegoat child” to get a negative supply. Narcissistic parents make scapegoats feel like trash - like these children don’t matter and are inadequate – and put golden children on a pedestal. But remember, they don’t really love the golden child; they just love the image that the golden child represents. They try to pit siblings against each other, and since they live for drama,
...more
you eventually recognize her for the crazy-making trail she leaves behind. For example, she plays mind games to covertly provoke conflict between family members, even putting her children against each other.
One of the best ways to deal with the “I’m a horrible child” situation is to be the “bad child” and accept it. Embrace it and challenge the narcissist to do whatever she wants to do with it.
When she goes on rants, you can say something like, “Well, you’re entitled to have your own opinion,” or “It’s such a shame that you view things so negatively, it looks like you’re very angry,” or “If that’s the way you choose to view things, you are entitled to have those views,” or “I’m sorry it’s so difficult for you to feel contentment
It’s a form of self-defense based on indifference.
Almost all adult children of narcissistic parents develop this disorder and can only be cured by consulting a psychotherapist.
flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, vicious inner critic, and social anxiety.
Instead of unfair self-criticism, replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments.
Allow yourself to grieve
Take time alone when you need it, but don’t isolate yourself.
