Adorable translation—my penis will never enter her vagina. But she will use me at her leisure, like a stuffed animal. I’ll be there for comfort on long, lonely nights; and she will drag my ass around by the arm until I’m filthy, my limbs are ripping apart at the seams from neglect, and my insides are coming out. I’ve most definitely been friend-zoned, or in my case, Teddy’d.
